You're the only remaining passengers, so the murderer is in this caboose.
[all passengers gasp, murmuring distinctly at each other]
Let me explain how I know who the murderer is. I saw Pineapple Guy skim through the sheet music—sheet music to a song that's very special to Lollipop Girl—a song that reminds her of Ice Cream Guy. Before Colonel Candycorn died, Dr. Ice Cream was in possession of a basket of cabbage, fish and eggs. And you, Pineapple Guy, have cabbage bits on your socks. And you, Chocolate Bar Guy... [holds a dictionary] does this dictionary look familiar? A dictionary which happens to contain the words... [opens dictionary, points at words circled in red pen] "rid," "guests," "at once"? [all passengers gasp heavily] But the real murderer is someone no one suspects. The real murderer is...
[enter another tunnel; all passengers drop their skeletons on the floor. Finn gasps at Jake]
No-one was the murderer?!
The conductor's still on the train.
Yay! You did it! You solved it, Finn!
I knew it — because he's creepy.
I know — you knew he was the murderer all along. I couldn't have done it without you... you, you, you.
[straining] We make a... great team, pal!
[they enter another tunnel...]
You feel kinda bony... WAHH!! [drops down Jake, bends down on his skeleton] Jake...? [he cradles and starts grieving over Jake's remains] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[pan right to the conductor on his skateboard, holding a wooden sword]
CConductor
Heh heh heh heh... Hey.
How could you murder all those Candy People?! And... you murdered Jake on my birthday!
CConductor
Yes, and you're next. [Finn lowers Jake's skeleton down and draws a nearby root sword]
Hey look, Finn, I know Jake's your friend and all, but... if you really want Bubblegum to go to the movies with you, you've gotta like, stop listening to your dog and take some advice from a real girl.
But Jake said Phase 2 is powerful!
Pbbt!! Heh, how is Jake going to know what girls want more than a real girl?
Okay, great. So what we need now is something... fun. Girls love fun more than anything. Fun, fun, fun! If you can show Bubblegum that you're fun, she'll deffs wanna go to the movies with you.
Heheh, you said fun so much, it sounds all weird now. Fffun. Ff— [M touches his shoulder]
So what do you like to do for fun, Finn?
Oh-oh! I like to wrestle! And fight!! ERRRRH!! ROARR!! ...But girls don't like that.
No, no, that's perfect! All you need to do is get in there and wrestle Princess Bubblegum to show her how fun you are. [flies off]
[beat] Ffffffuuunnn. Ffffuuunn.
Finn, you do not want to go down that road with me.
With you, I would walk down any road, milady — especially if it leads to the movies.
Oh, yeah? No one would want to go to the movie with... [transforms into a black unearthly-like monstrosity] ..THIS!!!
[she pummels Finn and Jake with her large appendages crashing every opening all over her house. She latches and carries Finn cackling]
UWA HA HA HA HA!! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME NOW?!
..How do you like your popcorn?
UGGGHHH!! [demetamorphosizes] You're starting to annoy me!
Well, then let's do something fun, like go to the movies!
Get off me! [throws Finn onto the couch] Finn, I like you, but—
NO!! [armlocks Finn] Listen to me! I'm not gonna go to the movies with you! I just... don't like you that way.
[Finn closes his eyes and lies on the couch]
I'm sorry, Finn. I just... I don't want to date you.
Date me? Man, I just want to go the movies, but everybody hates me.
Wait — you... don't want me to be your girlfriend?
If you weren't looking for a girlfriend, then why were you romancing it up all day?
Cos Jake said couples nights have weird kissing requirements and romance-initiation rituals and whatever else.
I didn't really say all that. [mumbling indistinctly]
Of course I'll go with you, Finn.
Hey, Party Pat! You're the Chief and I totes respect that, but what we have to tell you is really important. And you said if we partied, we could talk.
PPParty Pat
But you haven't been partying.
PPParty Pat
You move to music, but that's not dancing. You chew pancakes, but you're not tasting. To truly party, one must leave behind the problems that are troubling and open one's... [reveals a third eye] mind eye. [beat] I'm just kiddin'. You guys are party animals. This is just a sticker! [peels it off] You can stay in our cave as long as you want.
That's what I've been trying to tell you, man!! This isn't a cave! Y'all are partyin' in a monster's BELLYYYYYY!!!
PPParty Pat
[looks around] Oh, yeah. That makes sense. It's definitely the weirdest cave I've ever seen. Heh-heh.
So... you'll tell everyone to leave?
PPParty Pat
[slurps] Nah, we love it here.
But you're all gonna die if you STAY!!
What're you gonna wish for, dude?
Oh, y'know — that somethin' special only two bros can share.
I think I'm wishing for the same thing!
FJFinn & Jake
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!
[Finn and Jake are seen riding a two headed elephant-like being with lazers for tusks]
Oh man, I wanna ride it so bad!
How do you even control those things?
You can't control it, dude — you have to let it GIVE you control.
Dang, Jake... your body's getting thin!
Yeah, but right now? Uuh, not so nice.
Okay, well, you can take your weird body issues and tuck them somewhere private, whereas I can take my healthy body issues and— (gasp!!) Fight a golem!!
Uhh... what do you think?
Eh, I don't get it. It's just a bunch of random junk.
Yeah... I'm not engaged. I need to see something that reflects life as it is, but you know, entertaining.
Yeah, like a romantic comedy!
Exactly—an action-adventure!
Wait, that's not what I said!
Jake, let's talk about our movie.
I think we shot a lot of great stuff.
But I'm thinkin' only half of it is usable.
Yeah, I was just thinkin' that!
You actually agree it's an action-adventure!
[Beemo clicks and pushes a button with a message reading "BACK IN 5 MINUTES"]
We'll ask him when he wakes up.
Why wait? [writes down a piece of paper] "Dear Beemo, please use only the best footage when cutting the movie. Love, Jake."
[takes pen and paper] "And Finn."
See you at the movie club, then!
[...]
Aren't you cold... Finn? Walk into the well... Finn. Aren't you cold?
[Finn teeters on edge of well, then pauses. Gets angry.]
[yelling] NO, I'M NOT! I'VE GOT A SWEATER ON!!
NPNurse Poundcake
What's her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?
ICDr. Ice Cream
She totally gross over 90% of her body, the other 10% is crazy-nasty.
NPNurse Poundcake
Will she make it, Doctor?!
ICDr. Ice Cream
I don't know, Nurse Poundcake.
