[Finn and Jake burp constantly to a severely poisoned Marceline]
Cut it out! That's not helping her!
FinnBut Mom and Dad always burped on us.
Sorry, guys, there are no cure-alls. Your parents were just burping on you for kicks.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense. [burps] Oh, sorry, last one.
Auh! What did you eat, Jake?!
Hey, now! I pride myself in having nice-smelling burps. Just kidding.
Pride, hmm. Do you guys know what "hubris" is?
Finn
It's like an old-timey deity who weighed your deeds on a scale.
No, it means excessive pride or arrogance.
Finn
Dude!
No, it's true. I believed in myself so much that I was blind to the possible consequences.
Don't believe in yourself so much then, dum-dum!
[crying] Now my best friend is dying of poison because of me.
That ain't true, PB! Marcy took a risk, and you helped her because you're her friend. Real friends take each other to the edge of death. 'Cause death is life! Right, Finn?
Finn
Shoot, yeah! I get poisoned all the time just doing the dishes.
I get poisoned on purpose—for research. I have a poison lab back at the castle.
Well, let's get our butts over there, then! Find the Moon, Finn. We'll work on an antidote. You guys take her back to the poison lab. Maybe we can extract her healing powers.
Finn
Word. [everyone runs off except LSP]
Hey, wait! What should I do? You guys? [pushes a stake out of her] Brrrrr... Hahahahaha!
How many times do you want to do this, Marceline? Our lives are magnetised. [Marceline morphs further and charges at him] We're in a negative loop. But we can change our outcome this time!
I like the outcome where you get staked!
And you become a vampire?
Rrrrh... [morphs back to normal with her head being held]
Marceline... [she starts punching his arm] I know I was ruthless in the past, but tell me. What's the one thing you've noticed about the world since you beat me all those hundreds of years ago?
Everything repeats over and over again. No-one learns anything, because no-one lives long enough to see the pattern, I guess.
But you've lived long enough.
And you still think this is the right way, fighting me?
The other way's like a black hole. An unknown.
So let's consult a witch.
[she immediately punches his face, sending him flying into a large thick cloud. She gets a spare stake from her left boot]
[as she flies over, the thick clouds part away to see a vocalising Vampire King in a cloud pool and shreds his suit]
I'm not afraid of the unknown! [pounding his chest] I have the power to change destiny! [shoots a twirling column of water high in the sky, thunder crashes] Queen of vampires! You weigh the scales of fate! Spill my guts or face the unknown! Either way, I will not bite! For turning you would subjugate me to the wheel of fortune, and I am a king, not a hamster. My path runs straight into the void on a sick flaming chariot! [bursts column and rains on Finn, Jake and Bubblegum]
FJFinn/Jake/Bubblegum
Whoa...
Stake me! I will not hide! [shreds his pants, thunder crashes] Do it, chicken! You make me sick! [drops down and squirms in his cloud pool]
Okay, dag! We'll take your stupid thing out!
Your dang vamp juice! Come on!
Guys, I think this storm is more than just some scary clouds and weather junk. We've been treating each other like ding-dongs since we've been down here.
Duh! This bunker is the worst!
Nah, nah. I think this storm's carrying some major negative energy or something.
Finn
Bad jubies.
It's making us all go nanners! I think I can help, though. Let me show you what I've been working on.
[he clears his throat, takes a deep breath and starts whistling as birds chirping. Finn, LSP and BMO stare at Jake for a beat. He then mimics water and frog sounds; he takes a deep breath and makes forest sounds. BMO is moved and wipes off his tear]
Thanks for responding to my call, guys. I'm in a serious pickle, and I mean the bad kind—I mean like, a really smelly brown pickle?
Don't sweat it, boi! Finn and I got your back.
Finn
Who's bullying you, Prismo?
Nobody's bullying me. Look, um... remember when you wished the Lich never existed and you created a new wish reality that ended up totally not working out?
BBoth
No. / Vaguely, yes.
Finn
What?
You don't remember making that wish?
Finn
Wha..?
I thought I explained to you that one time.
Dude, I'll catch you up. Look. [turns on TV wall to see alternate Finn and Jake playing the flute and howling, respectively] After you wished the Lich never existed, you got zapped to an alternate wish reality where magic doesn't really exist.
Finn
Wait! [pause video] Who's that dude?
That's you, but sort of less cool.
Finn
..Uh-huh. Proceed.
So, you find an old Marceline and the magic crown on the body of Ice King's skeleton, who was smushed under the weight of a frozen mutagenic bomb. But then, the Destiny Gang steal your family donkey, so you used the crown to become Ice Finn and save your donkey and your family. But... the crown makes you crazy and you ice everything up like a dumb bozo, which sets off the mutagenic bomb and releases the spirit of the Lich anyway. But then, this reality's Jake made a counter which would supposedly fix the problem, but as it turns out, it didn't really.
Finn
Can I just say that I don't remember any of this stuff?
Because, technically, it didn't happen to you. But also, it still happened and that wish reality continues to exist.
Finn
[beat] Is this why all of a sudden one day I was way better at the flute?
Listen! Something really bad is about to go down. [summons projection] Ice Finn is using his world's Enchiridion to build a portal to the multiverse. We literally do not know what will happen if he succeeds, but it could defs be catastrophic to the architecture of these realities. Now, if that happens, my boss—let me repeat that—my boss will hold me responsible. And by proxy, y'all both will be in the dip, too.
Finn
Why not just bloop-bloop it all better?
Something there is dampening my powers! I am losing my picks over this biz!!
[to Finn] His boss? Who's that?
Finn
Alright, man. What do we do? [Prismo summons a case to him]
Take this and use it to take care of the Ice Finn.
Finn
Oh. Wait, what do you mean by "take care of—"?
Good luck, guys! We're all depending on you!
[Jake comes inside the dead hermit's yurt]
Finn
I know it's you. [see hermit-eyes Finn in his giant, deep-red monstrous form staring the opposite wall]
Hey, buddy. I've figured you'd come back here.
Finn
Don't look at me, Jake. I might turn you into a microwave.
Baloney! [walks to him] You turned NEPTR into a microwave because he's a microwave, but that doesn't mean that's all he is to you. I know you think NEPTR's an interesting person, and I know that microwave is just one part of his personality! I mean... Maybe your eyes are just bad at describing things, you know? Like, how you feel about people, what they mean to you. That stuff's in your guts. Eyes can't grok that. Unless you have the eyes of like, a trained artist or something. But you don't. I'm telling you, man. You're not a bad dude like the skeleton bro, or you'd be turning everyone into rats and plops!
[Finn takes up a deep gasping sigh]
Now, come on. Look at me. [he turns Finn around to him face to face]
Finn
Jake, you're so wise. [Jake's college bro form then suddenly shrinks down to a much older form with a cane]
What?! Deh— [groans] Well, at least you listened to me. And wise old Jakey got a plan!
[Finn and Bun Bun approaching the Fire Kingdom]
Make way for the Princess!
Finn! What brings you here?
Finn
Special delivery for Cinnamon Bun.
I'm Bun Bun. Are you a chipmunk?
Finn
[whispering to Cinnamon Bun] Bubblegum made her from your spare parts. She's supposed to be your squire or whatever.
[Finn and Flame Princess hanging out]
Is something wrong with your coals?
Finn
Well, they're fine. It's just... [takes a breath] When we broke up, I said sorry but I didn't fully understand exactly what I did wrong. I get it now. I shouldn't have manipulated you. That was a really, really messed up thing to do and I'm truly sorry.
[sees how much Finn has grown up] You've grown up a lot, man. [beat] I forgive you.
Finn
Awesome. [makes fun of eating his coals]
[Finn, Jake and Lady Rainicorn come across a giant humming sentient pit]
Finn
It's a face hole! This is where the song's coming from. [the pit blows them away] Oh, nice pipes.
HHole
[speaks] "Wait, can you hear me?"
Finn
I've been hearing you like, all day. You're a lovely singer.
HHole
[laughs] "Really? No one's ever said that. Shut up!"
Finn
It's true!
HHole
"Well, I've had a lot of practice. Thousand years, give or take."
Finn
Say whaaaa?!!
HHole
"Yeah. I've been here singing from the very beginning of Ooo. Since I can't move from this spot, singing is my only outlet. I can neither participate, enjoy nor prevent disaster. So I sing."
Is this like one of those patterns that's supposed to have a 3D image in it, and everyone can see it except you?
Finn
Well, why can't they hear you?
HHole
"Only two kinds of people can hear my song—those who see the world with pure childlike wonder, and those with a deep sense of loss in their hearts. To everyone else, I'm just a period in a sentence in the book of Ooo."
Finn
I don't know about child eyes, but I have been going through a rough patch. It sounds like you have, too.
HHole
"Yeah, I guess so."
FHFinn/Hole
[singing] With the sorrow in our hearts we can play
And I look up to you
And we hear different sounds than the heart last due
Wake for that night looking everywhere for you
Why do I look up to you?
[Grass Finn throws Finn on the sand from "harming" Susan; starts punching Finn in the face]
Finn
Alright, alright, enough! Truce, truce! Ah... [both take a breather]
GFGrass Finn
Sorry, dog, but I can't let you hurt Susan. [Finn growls angrily]
Finn
I wasn't gonna hurt her! [looks up] I was protecting her from you!
GFGrass Finn
..Me? But... I'm Finn Mertens, man. I'm a hundred percent hero. Everyone knows that.
Finn
What?! I'm Finn Mertens!
GFGrass Finn
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Sorry, man. I mean, I'm flattered, but... come on.
Finn
No, you come on!!
Finn
[doing doctoring duties] Okay, where's the next patient?
DDoctor
In here, Doctor. [Finn pulls the curtains to see Ice King lying down on a hospital table]
Hey, baby... what?! Where's Doctor Princess? I just wanted some TLC from a cute gal. [Finn takes out his pen and clipboard]
Finn
So, uh... how's your, uh... general condition?
My back is in agony like always, [Finn nods nonchalantly] my toes taste like candy corn, is that bad? And everything smells like liquorice, [Finn jumps up high and lands behind Ice King] expect for liquorice which smells like— [Finn grabs Ice King's shoulder and bottom; breaks his back in half] Ahh!! [he gets uneven, Finn comes over]
Finn
How do you feel, Ice King?
I... feel... great! Ohh, mama! [flies up doing a loop] I feel 500 years old again! [laughing happily] Hey, we should hit the town! Go dancing... [Finn looks himself in the mirror]
Finn
[thinking] "Doctor Finn... this feels pretty right."
[Finn looks back at an empty and emotionally traumatised James Baxter as he makes herbal tea]
Finn
Oh my Glob... James Baxter is in my house! [Shelby pops out of teapot]
Hey, Finn, you... you look a little nervous.
Finn
That's James Baxter out there! He's an artist! What if I say something dumb and he's like, "Man, that dude is so dumb, why am I even here"?
Just treat him like a normal guy. That's what people want, even great artists.
Finn
Okay, yeah. [walks off] Normal, normal.
[Finn brings the teapot, a water bucket and towel to James Baxter, places them down on the floor. He dips towel in the bucket, twists towel and pats it on James Baxter's head. Finn sees James Baxter's empty stare for a long pause]
Finn
Normal, normal. [tries a deep voice] So, uh, you got any weekend plans? Doin' anything fun for the weekend? [dips towel in bucket]
You're really bad at this, man.
Finn
[tends to James Baxter] Want some soup? I made it out of ice cream sandwich.
[Shelby slithers on Finn's head]
You're still being weird.
Finn
Well, what am I supposed to do?
You gotta slap him, dude.
Finn
Wha?
Slap him with some real time.
Finn
Oh...
Finn
What?!
Finn
Wha—?!
Finn
Ohh...
[Finn is sitting on the rooftop of the Tree Fort, drinking his cup under an orange sky]
Finn
Are ya up here, Fern? [Fern emerges up the grassy roof, sits beside Finn]
FFern
Hey. Thanks for letting me crash on the roof. It's nice up here.
Finn
Stay as long as you want. I came up here to ask a favor. I... might be gone for a while on this trip, see, and I need someone to... uh, cover for me here anew. [Fern pauses for a beat]
FFern
Are you sure? I mean, hero biz is your whole thing... and whatever I am, I'm not you.
Finn
You can just do your own thing with it. Like... if some huge gross monster's gonna do murder on a bunch of innocents, uh... kill it! But kill it you-styles. Just don't go nuts.
FFern
Okay. [summons his grass sword, curls back into his arm] I can handle that. Thanks for trusting me.
Finn
No, thank you, Fern. I better go pack.
[they both high-five, then Finn slaps Fern's hand awkwardly and touches his face; Fern grabs Finn's arm. He grumbles]
FFFinn/Fern
We should figure out a better thing. / Let's figure out something better.
[on the sea as a boat] Finn, I wanna turn back.
Finn
What? We can't!
An annoying dragon wrecked our boat, I got poisoned by jellyfish and saw our dead parents. I don't see things de-escalating.
Finn
It's just a small bump. A-a bunch of small bumps.
No dumb island can be worth the risk!
Finn
Maybe not. But I can't turn back.
This trip means a lot to you, huh?
Finn
Yeah.
Yeah, but why? Do you wanna find some humans and ditch us?
Finn
No! It's just... uh... [covers his mouth, starts crying] Okay... look... I'm really happy in Ooo. I love our mom and dad. But I don't know squat about humans. If I don't see this through, part of me will always be stuck to that boom boom leaf where Mom found me... still alone.
Adventure Time · 447 quotes
