Babs quotes from A Series of Unfortunate Events

Babs

Paperwork makes the world go round.

Olaf

I thought money did that.

Jerome

We just have to wait till Thursday. That's when all these unfortunate events will be over and I go back to the real love of my life. We met at a support group for people who have escaped horrible partners. He got a telegram from J.S. too, but he couldn't be here. He's busy at his lumbermill.

Babs

Well, I have someone too. She also received a telegram, but couldn't make it either. She's in prison for bank robbery.

Count Olaf

[seeing them push all the buttons in the elevator] What are you doing, Baudelaires? If we stop on every floor, I'll never reach the roof in time to poison everyone!

That's brilliant! If we stop on every floor, we can warn everyone!

Klaus

And save all these people.

Count Olaf

Only the ones who will believe you.

Klaus

The hotel is on fire!

Fire? Olaf, you're finally thinking big.

Count Olaf

There's no fire. The Baudelaires are trying to trick you! Whatever you do, stay where you are!

Violet

We're not lying! Can't you smell the smoke?

Count Olaf

That's from the barbecue for the cocktail party!

The Woman with Hair but no Beard

Typical Olaf. Throwing a party instead of starting a fire.

And after we tried so hard to set a bad example.

The Woman with Hair but no Beard

You have disappointed us for the last time.

Count Olaf

I certainly have.

[immaturely as elevator door closes] You're a disgrace to the legal profession!

Klaus

Fire! Fire!

Arthur Poe

Argh! Klaus? You shouldn't add false reporting to your list of crimes.

Next, they'll be saying Count Olaf is here!

Count Olaf is here! There really is a fire! You have to leave!

Follow me. I'm such a genius, I'll find the exit blindfolded.

Arthur Poe

It's like the blind leading the blind. [grabs an elephant statue] I've got you, sir.

Klaus

Fire!

Babs

Fire? Oh, no! No, no, no!

I think the stairs are this way!

Babs

I think the stairs are that way!

I don't like to argue. Let's compromise and just stand here.

Violet

Esmé, Carmelita, the hotel is on fire. You have to get out!

Why should we listen to cakesniffers?

Esmé Squalor

She's right. You orphans are as dishonest as my ex-boyfriend.

Count Olaf

[knowing what will happen] No, seriously, it's a big fire. I swear. Also, the sugar bowl is definitely not down in the laundry room.

Esmé Squalor

He's lying. We'll take the stairs to the laundry room and grab it ourselves! At last, the sugar bowl is mine!