Sunny Baudelaire quotes from A Series of Unfortunate Events

Hello, I'm Larry, your waiter. Welcome to Café Salmonella, the city's innest restaurant, and the only restaurant serving an all-salmon menu, including beverages and table linens! [begins handing out menus]

Violet

It's that same waiter. He's everywhere we go--

Klaus

He's always trying to help us.

[without fake accent] Larry... [resumes accent] I, ah...I think I'm feeling queasy, please, and I need to run back to pretty lady's apartment, where there is nothing hidden, by the way!

[stops Olaf] Nonsense, sir! We've had the menu translated especially for our foreign guests.

And what language did you have it translated into, please?

The one you speak most fluently.

Ah, well, well, well, I speak all of them hella fluently!

[sits Olaf down as Olaf groans] Then there's nothing to worry about! [finishes handing out menus, then offers Jerome and Esmé two glasses of pinkish liquid] May I start you off with still or sparkling salmon-flavored water?

Esmé

[incredulous] Salmon-flavored...? [laughs] You are making my mouth water and turn pink!

Jerome

How do you make your water salmon-flavored?

We put salmon in it.

Jerome

I'll have regular water, thank you.

Violet

So would we.

Esmé

Nonsense! Jerome, what if someone sees you drinking it? [to Violet and Klaus] Regular water isn't in!

Klaus

But it's the primary ingredient in aqueous martinis...

I think the young people might enjoy playing along with the theme of Café Salmonella [holds up a piece of paper with "V.F.D." written on it] and its Virulently Fishy Decor!

The management regrets it cannot allow any orphans to escape at this time.

Sunny Baudelaire

*indistinct garble* (Someday, Olaf's perfidy will end.)

[frowns] What does "perfidy" mean?

Sunny Baudelaire

*indistinct garble* (Treachery, basically)

Ahhh. You know, you're clever, and you're good with your teeth. If you play your cards right, you could join our troupe instead of surrendering your life and your fortune in more or less that order.

Hey, whattaya think you're doing? Heyy!-

Lemony Snicket

Of course, not all mentors are good. Many years ago in my own organization, there were those who preyed on impressionable minds by taking them in at a point in their life when they might be particularly lost or vulnerable.

You look lost.

Count Olaf

[scoffs] How can I be lost? There are signs everywhere, which seems kind of dumb for a secret organization.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

We meant figuratively. [They step forward]

Count Olaf

Who are you? [stiffens] Wait... You're that man with the hair and the woman with the beard, or vice versa! I've heard about you.

And vice versa. We know what happened at the opera.

Woman with Hair but no Beard.

And we know how you've spent your nights since.

Wandering these tunnels.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

Directionless.

Alone.

Count Olaf

...Have you been following me?

With great interest, for some time.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

Your friends in V.F.D. betrayed you, but a young man with your talents doesn't need friends.

He needs guidance.

Count Olaf

I'll pass. I'm a tortured, brooding loner now. I've even taken up journaling. I'd rather be alone.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

Why, what a pity.

There's so much we could teach you. [Olaf looks intrigued]

Lemony Snicket

Bad mentors can lead you down a slippery slope, whether you encounter them years later at the top of a mountain, or you belong to their acting troupe.

They've been in that tent for a wile. I wonder what they're planning.

I hope it's a picnic.

It's never a picnic.

Not anymore.

Henchperson of Indeterminate gender

I joined Count Olaf because I thought he could teach me things, like how to harness my natural charisma into a career in the performing arts. [sighs] But I'm beginning to question my life choices.

[nods] I know what you mean. I get the serious creeps from those serious creeps.

Henchperson of Indeterminate gender

They definitely killed those carnival freaks.

Oh, yeah.

[simultaneously] Dead as doornails!

[to Sunny, who is in a birdcage] What do you think they're up to, baby? [they all look at her]

Sunny Baudelaire

*indistinct garble (Trouble.)

So, tell me, how did three children like you come to be shipwrecked with a man like that?

Violet

It's a long story.

Klaus

Extremely long.

Sunny

Three seasons.

Sunny Baudelaire

Yuck.

[awakens and sees Olaf] ...You!

Count Olaf

[smiles sadly] I told you I'd do that one last time.

You are a wicked man. You really think one kind act will make me forgive you all your failings?

Count Olaf

... I haven't apologized.

Count Olaf

Let me see your eyes.

...Hm?

Count Olaf

... "The night has a thousand eyes, and the day but one. Yet the light of the bright world dies with the dying sun."

"The mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart but one. Yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done."

Count Olaf

... I never forgot you.

You hurt people.

Count Olaf

Yeah. And people hurt me. [he groans and lays down next to her, weakened by his wound] It's all over now. What's that thing your brother used to say? "Man hands on misery to man..."

[smiles] "It deepens..."

"...Like a coastal shelf."

Count Olaf

[chuckles weakly] "get out as early as you can-"

Count Olaf

"-And don't have any kids yourself."

Sunny Baudelaire

...Olaf?

Klaus Baudelaire

... He's gone, Sunny. He's dead.