This advice was given to me by one of the bravest women I've ever known- a woman, who, at that very moment, was running for her life toward the edge of a cliff. Fortunately, like all women, my sister was an expert at doing the impossible.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
Come, now. There's nowhere to run.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
Which we plan to throw you off anyway.
But perhaps this doesn't have to end in violence.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
Give us the Sugar Bowl, and you can go.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
And hope to die. What do you say, Snicket?
KSKit Snicket
I'd rather jump off a cliff.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
Should we follow her?
We'll send the eagles; they're probably starving.
KSKit Snicket
[patting her pregnant belly] Oh, you're a trooper, kiddo. I didn't have my first hang-gliding lesson 'till I was seven.
Of course, not all mentors are good. Many years ago in my own organization, there were those who preyed on impressionable minds by taking them in at a point in their life when they might be particularly lost or vulnerable.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
You look lost.
[scoffs] How can I be lost? There are signs everywhere, which seems kind of dumb for a secret organization.
We meant figuratively. [They step forward]
Who are you? [stiffens] Wait... You're that man with the hair and the woman with the beard, or vice versa! I've heard about you.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
And vice versa. We know what happened at the opera.
And we know how you've spent your nights since.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
Wandering these tunnels.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
Alone.
...Have you been following me?
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
With great interest, for some time.
Your friends in V.F.D. betrayed you, but a young man with your talents doesn't need friends.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
He needs guidance.
I'll pass. I'm a tortured, brooding loner now. I've even taken up journaling. I'd rather be alone.
MWMan with a Beard but no Hair
There's so much we could teach you. [Olaf looks intrigued]
Bad mentors can lead you down a slippery slope, whether you encounter them years later at the top of a mountain, or you belong to their acting troupe.
They've been in that tent for a wile. I wonder what they're planning.
1W1st White-Faced Woman
I hope it's a picnic.
2W2nd White-Faced Woman
It's never a picnic.
I joined Count Olaf because I thought he could teach me things, like how to harness my natural charisma into a career in the performing arts. [sighs] But I'm beginning to question my life choices.
[nods] I know what you mean. I get the serious creeps from those serious creeps.
They definitely killed those carnival freaks.
WFWhite-Faced Women
[simultaneously] Dead as doornails!
[to Sunny, who is in a birdcage] What do you think they're up to, baby? [they all look at her]
*indistinct garble (Trouble.)
[seeing them push all the buttons in the elevator] What are you doing, Baudelaires? If we stop on every floor, I'll never reach the roof in time to poison everyone!
JSJustice Straus
That's brilliant! If we stop on every floor, we can warn everyone!
And save all these people.
Only the ones who will believe you.
[the elevator stops at the lobby]
MWThe Man with a Beard but no Hair
Fire? Olaf, you're finally thinking big.
There's no fire. The Baudelaires are trying to trick you! Whatever you do, stay where you are!
We're not lying! Can't you smell the smoke?
That's from the barbecue for the cocktail party!
Typical Olaf. Throwing a party instead of starting a fire.
MWThe Man with a Beard but no Hair
And after we tried so hard to set a bad example.
You have disappointed us for the last time.
JSJustice Straus
[immaturely as elevator door closes] You're a disgrace to the legal profession!
[the elevator stops on another floor]
Argh! Klaus? You shouldn't add false reporting to your list of crimes.
VPVice Principal Nero
Next, they'll be saying Count Olaf is here!
JSJustice Straus
Count Olaf is here! There really is a fire! You have to leave!
VPVice Principal Nero
Follow me. I'm such a genius, I'll find the exit blindfolded.
It's like the blind leading the blind. [grabs an elephant statue] I've got you, sir.
[the elevator stops on another floor]
Fire? Oh, no! No, no, no!
JSJerome Squalor
I think the stairs are this way!
I think the stairs are that way!
JSJerome Squalor
I don't like to argue. Let's compromise and just stand here.
[the elevator stops on another floor]
Esmé, Carmelita, the hotel is on fire. You have to get out!
CSCarmelita Spats
Why should we listen to cakesniffers?
She's right. You orphans are as dishonest as my ex-boyfriend.
[knowing what will happen] No, seriously, it's a big fire. I swear. Also, the sugar bowl is definitely not down in the laundry room.
He's lying. We'll take the stairs to the laundry room and grab it ourselves! At last, the sugar bowl is mine!
A Series of Unfortunate Events · 83 quotes
