Fernald quotes from A Series of Unfortunate Events

You are in big trouble!

... What am I supposed to do with this?

Ohh... Oh, no! You're not bribing your way out of this! What am I supposed to tell the boss when you're not in that elevator shaft?!

[Gasps with horror for a moment]... Oh, well that worked out.

The management regrets it cannot allow any orphans to escape at this time.

Sunny Baudelaire

*indistinct garble* (Someday, Olaf's perfidy will end.)

[frowns] What does "perfidy" mean?

Sunny Baudelaire

*indistinct garble* (Treachery, basically)

Ahhh. You know, you're clever, and you're good with your teeth. If you play your cards right, you could join our troupe instead of surrendering your life and your fortune in more or less that order.

Hey, whattaya think you're doing? Heyy!-

Lemony Snicket

Of course, not all mentors are good. Many years ago in my own organization, there were those who preyed on impressionable minds by taking them in at a point in their life when they might be particularly lost or vulnerable.

You look lost.

Count Olaf

[scoffs] How can I be lost? There are signs everywhere, which seems kind of dumb for a secret organization.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

We meant figuratively. [They step forward]

Count Olaf

Who are you? [stiffens] Wait... You're that man with the hair and the woman with the beard, or vice versa! I've heard about you.

And vice versa. We know what happened at the opera.

Woman with Hair but no Beard.

And we know how you've spent your nights since.

Wandering these tunnels.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

Directionless.

Alone.

Count Olaf

...Have you been following me?

With great interest, for some time.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

Your friends in V.F.D. betrayed you, but a young man with your talents doesn't need friends.

He needs guidance.

Count Olaf

I'll pass. I'm a tortured, brooding loner now. I've even taken up journaling. I'd rather be alone.

Woman with Hair but no Beard

Why, what a pity.

There's so much we could teach you. [Olaf looks intrigued]

Lemony Snicket

Bad mentors can lead you down a slippery slope, whether you encounter them years later at the top of a mountain, or you belong to their acting troupe.

They've been in that tent for a wile. I wonder what they're planning.

I hope it's a picnic.

It's never a picnic.

Not anymore.

Henchperson of Indeterminate gender

I joined Count Olaf because I thought he could teach me things, like how to harness my natural charisma into a career in the performing arts. [sighs] But I'm beginning to question my life choices.

[nods] I know what you mean. I get the serious creeps from those serious creeps.

Henchperson of Indeterminate gender

They definitely killed those carnival freaks.

Oh, yeah.

[simultaneously] Dead as doornails!

[to Sunny, who is in a birdcage] What do you think they're up to, baby? [they all look at her]

Sunny Baudelaire

*indistinct garble (Trouble.)