A character in 8 Simple Rules
Played by John Ritter
8 Simple Rules · 147 quotes
Most-quoted character in 8 Simple Rules: in 66 of its 147 quotes
Most scenes with: Cate (28), Bridget (16), Kerry (11)
You know I think this family should go to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Sarasota. We'd hang out in the sun. It will be relaxing. We'll go swimming and I don't have to cook.
PaulCate, your parents don't like me.
I know that, honey and I weighed that, but I still have to go with don't have to cook.
(While Paul's talking on his cell to Cate)
PaulNo, Cate, he never showed. Some newspaper editor can't even make a deadline. I waited 45 minutes for the big jerk!
Paul Hennessey? Nick Sharp, Big Jerk.
Paul(whispers to Cate) Don't call him that, honey.
PaulOh God I am a..a...
Say it.
PaulPsycho dad.
Cool! Say it again.
This isn't the home of the Big Boy.
PaulYou know, in a way it is.
(While at the mall)
PaulWould you keep up?
I don't want anyone thinking we're together!
PaulOh, God forbid they'll think we're a family. Come on! Kerry's not gonna be with us on Christmas Eve, fine, we'll go be with her.
Okay fine, I'll keep it three steps behind you, only because it's Christmas!
PaulWe're going to hear your mother sing a solo.
Oh.
PaulOh what, honey?
Well I just realized I'm going to be singing in front of you guys and what if I screw up? I don't want to screw up in front of you.
PaulOh, babe, you won't even notice us. There are going to be a couple hundred people in the church.
Oh.
PaulDon't look at it like you're singing for a church full of people. You're singing for God.
Oh. You guys can't come.
[About Bridget's career choice and how Paul is interfeering] Alright I'll give you an example. When I was a little girl my mother would always cut off the ends when we had a pot roast. So one day I asked her why, and she said it was because her mother always did, so I went and asked my grandmother and she said it was because her mother always did. So one day i finally went to my great-grandmothers house and I asked her why she cut the ends off her pot roast. And you know what she said? Because the pan was too small Do you see what I'm getting at?
PaulWe're having pot roast for dinner?
Paul (to Kerry): You are kind of special!
Awww, Dad, that means so much...
PaulNot right now, I need to go talk to your sister.
Paul (to Bridget): Let me tell you a story. Your grandmother always cooked the pot roast in a little pan, so one day your mother asked her why. And she said, "Because that's how my mother used to do it." So to make a long story short, you're mother went to her great-grandmother and asked, "What's up with the little pan." And do you know what she said?
No.
PaulI don't know either. But you're grandmother sure does make a grreat roast.
Oh, yeah.
(As Bridget and Kerry run down the steps)
I am going to kill you!
What is going on?
I just talked to Amanda who talked to Michelle who talked to Walker who's dating Josie that you...
PaulKerry kissing Kyle meant nothing!
Borrowed my sweater! (long pause) What?
Paul(to Kerry) You borrowed her sweater?!
You are dead!
It's not what it looks like!
PaulI have one question for you. Are you gay?
No
PaulWrong answer.
PaulHey!
Rory!
Oh hey.
PaulWhere's Bridget?
I can't tell.
PaulRory, we don't keep secrets in this family.
Ok. Mom's got yearbooks. Oh, you mean Bridget. She went out with Ben. I'm her decoy.
(Paul leaves then comes back)
PaulI knew you had yearbooks.
You can stop building that monkey bed right now.
Aww, man!
Paul (to Kerry): You get home right now!
Paul, don't yell at Kerry!
PaulI can't yell at Kerry. I can't yell at Bridget. I have to yell at somebody! Rory, stop reading upside down!
Paul, just calm down.
PaulI'm sorry, sweetie. I guess I'm in a bit of bad mood today. This morning, I cut myself shaving years off my life as head of this family.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 8 Simple Rules pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
