Paul quotes from 8 Simple Rules

Paul

Does everyone have a cell phone? How much am I paying for these?

Bridget

Dad, you get the phones for free.

Cate

I just got here. I forgot to pick up my allergy medicine. Do you think you can drop by the pharmacy?

Paul

Oh man. You know I hate picking up that stuff.

Cate

No, no, no. It's really allergy medicine this time.

Cate

Keep Bridget off the phone and out of the mall.

Paul

I'm a man, not a miracle worker.

Paul

Come on Cate, dance with me.

Cate

Oh, no, I'm not going to embarrass my daughter.

Paul

Fine, I'll dance by myself.

Paul

I'm a little stunned. Why would Kerry even want to be cheerleader?

Cate

Same reason you wanted to be a cheerleader.

Paul

Yell captain.

Kerry

I can't believe you're encouraging your daughter to join the airhead squad. Aim high!

Paul

They're not all airheads, Kerry.

Kerry

No, some of them are potheads.

Cate

Paul, give it a rest. You can't make the kids play with you.

Paul

Play with me? They live in my house and don't even like me. They're not kids. They're cats.

Bridget

Dad, do we really have to spend the night in that stupid treehouse again? We do it every single year.

Cate

Every single year.

Paul

Come on. It's our last Halloween tradition. Don't grumble, Bridget. You and Kerry won't trick or treat with me anymore, so now it's just Man With Ax In Head and Little Man With Ax In Head.

Cate

So what's the sudden interest after all my years of begging?

Paul

Well Cate, I just figured it's time. Our daughters are maturing and you know it would be foolish of me not to use expert resources available right at my fingertips.

Cate

They've beaten you down, haven't they?

Paul

They're killing me by inches.

Bridget

What! You've officially destroyed my life and you're like a life destroyer! I hate you!

Kerry

I hate you too. You're the meanest father ever. You're meaner then Angela's father.

Paul

Angela's father did time!

Kerry

Exactly!

Paul

(about the girls) Well, it's official. They hate me again.

Cate

Aw, congratulations. (holds up two tickets) Maybe these'll make you feel better.

Paul

Red Wings, center ice? Where did you get these?

Cate

(imitating Anthony) Shoot. I was kickin' wit my partner Anthony W., and he gave me the 411 on how he got B to the K all grounded and whatnot. He was all, "Damn, Mrs. Henn, that's cold! I gots to make dat right!" So he hooked me these fazoon duckets. Know what I mean?

Paul

What's new with my little family?

Rory

Well, no one loves your daughters.

Kerry

Why don't you just lock me in my room?

Paul

Because your mother won't let me.

Paul

(to Bridget) Where's your mother?

Kyle

(thinking Paul's talking to him) At home.

Paul

No, I mean her mother.

Kyle

My grandmother?

Paul

(slowly) No, Bridget's mother.

Kyle

(slowly) How should I know?

Paul

One more smart remark like that and there will be a consequence.

Kerry

My life is a consequence.

Cate

You know honey, that would have more impact if you didn't say it every day.