3rd Rock from the Sun · Season 2
Hamlet? The story is as old as time: Pretty boy son has a rich daddy and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story... but there it is.
Isn't that the plot to The Lion King?
You were good: you had delivery, presence, timing, you just didn't have that indefinable something extra.
I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?
Romeo and Juliet is a Shakespearian tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend!
Have a little compassion, Sally. We're healthy; we have to help him.
I say he's lame. Shoot him.
[Tommy is selling chocolate door-to-door and he encounters a priest at one door]
Hi, Father, I'm selling chocolate so the high-school band can go to Washington... and learn about Christianity...so they can become priests.
[The priest closes the door in Tommy's face]
Fine then; they'll stay here in Rutherford and worship Satan!
You see, I would like to stay very much, but your government isn't so nice.
Except for Abraham Lincoln, right?
It's what women are supposed to do; get married, have babies, hire total strangers to raise them and then wonder where they went wrong.
You could never handle my job.
I could do it with my eyes closed!
You do everything with your eyes closed.
[about August] I don't understand her.
What's to understand? Kill her and get a new one.
Oh, no, you can't do that. You've got to get a new one and then you kill her.
The Official Boy Scouts' Guidebook. Who're the Boy Scouts?
They're an elite, prepubescent, paramilitary society and I'm going to follow their ways.
But Harry, you're neither elite nor prepubescent.
All in good time, Sally... all in good time.
[while playing Monopoly] Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and do not, I repeat do not drop the soap.
I'm tired of feeling like a Catholic schoolboy always getting his knuckles rapped by the nun he's dating.
[Judith and Mary during Physics party]
Men, can't live with them, [Long Pause] good night Mary. [She leaves]
What's going on?
Oh, she's having a big affair.
What? You tramp!
Dick, it's a catered affair.
You're cheating on me and your diet?
I don't mean to panic anyone, but I'm afraid the calamari has been infested with baby squid.
So you're saying that when a 300-pound soprano and a 250-pound tenor dress in funny costumes and take 15 minutes to die, that's art. But when the Gravedigger takes on the Caped Canadian, that's trash? I'm sorry, I don't get it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 3rd Rock from the Sun pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
