Tommy Solomon quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun

Mrs. Dubcek

Poor kid. I remember what it's like to be your age.

Tommy

I remember what it's like to be yours.

Dick

[talking about art] What makes them strive to create this?

Tommy

Naked women.

Dick

These are not naked women, they're nudes. Nudity is the artist's passionate celebration of the human form.

Tommy

[taking an art book] Well, party on!

Dick

Why are you suddenly so civil?

Now we know each other's boundaries. You know my limits, I know your limits, so now we can respect each other.

Tommy

Wait, let me see if I've got this straight. In order to gain each other's respect, you had to resort to violent confrontations. Now doesn't that strike you as stupid?

[after a beat] Kids, huh?

Dick

They don't understand the world.

Tommy

Sally, I got a question for you. We've been on the planet a while now and I've just been wondering if we were to tell someone we cared about where we were actually from, do you think it'd be so dangerous?

Sally

No, not at all, Tommy. In fact I've already told Mrs. Dubcek and the mailman, uh, and a nice guy down at the mini-mall, BECAUSE I WANT US ALL TO DIE LIKE LAB RATS AT THE HANDS OF PRIMITIVE SCIENTISTS!!!

Harry

I want to make the world a better place. I want to give mankind the gift... of electricity.

Tommy

They have electricity.

Harry

Ah, then my work is done!

Tommy

You work at the university.

[smugly] Ah, so I run the university.

Tommy

Well, not so much run as teach a physics class.

I'm a teacher? Were all the janitor's jobs taken?

Sally

Well fine, but let it be on your own head!

Tommy

Which will probably be sitting next to our heads on a tray somewhere in New Mexico!

Tommy

You're gonna be like some sort of alien Martin Luther King?

Harry

Exactly. Because I, too, have a dream. And in that dream I'm naked on a ferris wheel.

Tommy

Harry, I need a ride.

Harry

Nope.

Tommy

You know, I outrank you.

Harry

In that case... no, sir!

Tommy

I'll tell you what: if the Road Runner wins this next one, you take me, but if he doesn't... I'll never ask you again.

Harry

Okay, you're on. I've seem this next scheme before and it's far too brilliant to fail twice.

Dick

[explaining Thanksgiving] It's a national holiday.

Tommy

What, like Big Giant Head Day?

Dick

Similar...except that no one gets thrown into the sun.

Tommy

Okay, could you give me an example of what's funny?

August

I thought the movie Emma was very funny.

Tommy

What was so funny about it?

August

It was full of irony.

Tommy

Okay, so irony's funny?

August

Yeah, because you say one thing while the opposite is actually true.

Tommy

Oh, like when you said Emma was going to be a really great movie when it actually sucked out loud?

Officer Don

Hamlet? The story is as old as time: Pretty boy son has a rich daddy and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story... but there it is.

Tommy

Isn't that the plot to The Lion King?

Dick

You were good: you had delivery, presence, timing, you just didn't have that indefinable something extra.

Tommy

I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?

Dick

Romeo and Juliet is a Shakespearian tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend!

Sally

You could never handle my job.

Harry

I could do it with my eyes closed!

Tommy

You do everything with your eyes closed.