Count Dracula quotes from Young Dracula

You're what, just over seven hundred?

Count Dracula

SIX! Six hundred!

Whatever, you look closer to a thousand.

Vlad

I don't believe this! You said living blood-free was our best chance!

Count

There was no blood-free, it was a fantasy, a delusion, a pathetic dream. Tell them, Ivan!

He's right. This is sensational, I haven't felt this undead in years! There's only one way for us to live... UP TO OUR EYES IN BLOOD!

(to Boris) Get out here, boy! Show me your fangs. Hmmm, a bit underdeveloped, not to worry. We'll start small, just a few cute bunnies.

You mean kill them?!

Count Dracula

No, take them synchronised swimming, of course kill them!

Vlad

(to Boris) Don't you understand? If we kill our Dads we're more evil than any vampire.

Ingrid

Good point.

Count Dracula

Vlad, Boris, Olga... the other one, what's going on?

Ingrid

Hello, Daddy. And goodbye!

Vlad

No, NO!

AAARGGHH! You've turned me into a Breather!

Ingrid

And I've killed your Dad.

Yeah, whatever.

Count Dracula

Slain by my own daughter! You're so grounded!

Count

"Numb to sensation", four letters.

"Dead".

Daddy, how much longer is this going to take?

Depends on how much of a fight he puts up.

Vlad

Fight? No one said anything about a fight.

Count

Well, if he's strong it could take all day. But if he's a pathetic, spineless little wimp then...

Ingrid

Well, that answers that!

I can't believe my own son could be so wicked and deceitful.

Count Dracula

Yes, yes, when you've quite finished gloating maybe you could use your super sensitive vampire hearing to find the little snake!

What?

Count Dracula

Where's that imp?! It's time he was taught a lesson!

Ten to seven.

Ingrid

That's my diary!

Vlad

I'd hate to be the one to show you this, Dad.

Count

(Reading from Ingrid's diary) "My old Dad's a vampire, he wears a vampire cloak... but no one's really scared of him they think he's just a joke..." Ingrid!

Ingrid

But I didn't write that.

Count

(Reading again) "He's getting old and past it and it's very plain to see... his hair is going grey, his fangs are false and his cardigan smells of wee!" I do not wear cardigans!

Ingrid

(to Vlad) And that's not my handwriting!

Count

That is no excuse!

Count

(furiously) You gave her the antidote?!

Ingrid

(To Robin and Vlad) That's right, boys! I'm back!

Vlad

Run!

Count

I have some midnight hunting to do!

Ingrid

Off to nibble some sheep again, are we Daddy?

Count

SHEEP?! How dare you! I am the Prince of Darkness! I...

Vlad

Well, just make sure the farmer doesn't catch you this time.

Count

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present my new son... Vladimir.

Vlad

Vladimir?! But... that's my name!

Count

Curses, what was the other one?

Barry.

Count

Barry...

Vlad

What? You're gonna call him Barry?

Count

No, that would be stupid... we'll call you Barry.

Count

Arise, my son and heir! Barry Dracula.

Vlad

Oh, very funny!

Vladimir Dominus Imperator Electus.

Count

Prepare to be dust, you two-timing traitor!

Eat garlic, you pathetic toad!

Count

Your skin is too pink.

Your fangs are too short!

Count

You're so... fat. We could carpet the castle with one of your enormous dresses. Ha! Ha!

(furious) Yes, and we can sandblast the stonework with a whiff of your wormy, soil breath!