Count Dracula quotes from Young Dracula

Count Dracula

Slayers will always be our enemy. We shall bite them on the beaches, we shall bite them in the fields and in the streets! We shall bite them in the hills, we shall never surrender!

Count

Well, it's certainly an improvement; I can see less of her face.

Count

Killed with a kiss! (Laughs weakly) What a pathetic way to die!

Count

We're vampires. We bite, we fight, we... burn in sunlight.

Count

(to Vlad) I met your mother at a Goth festival in Whitby. I saw her across a crowded room full of depressed youth. At first I really thought she was one of us, you know some of those Goths are very convincing.

Count

As bad ideas go, this is right up there with midday sunbathing and garlic-filled pizza crust!

Ingrid

Can't believe we have to speak this stupid language.

Vlad

We've got to keep a low profile.

Ingrid

And why do we have to move, anyway?

Renfield

Please be quiet, Mistress Ingrid, I'm trying to read the map.

Ingrid

Don't tell me to be quiet, insect biter!

Renfield

Right, that is it!

Ingrid

Don't you touch me, you fungus!

Renfield

Rat!

Ingrid

Creep!

Renfield

Witch!

Ingrid

Pus-face!

Vlad

Turn right!

Renfield

Cold sewer!

Ingrid

Cretin.

Renfield

Freak! Fart-breath!

Ingrid

Spider-licker!

Renfield

Scab picker!

Ingrid

Snot eater!

Count

RENFIELD! What... exactly... is going on?

Renfield

Sorry... for disturbing you, Master...

Count

Silence!

Vlad

Ingrid wants to turn the hearse around and go back to Transylvania.

Count

Oh, you do, do you? And what about the angry, torch-wielding Transylvanian peasant mob, hmm? Would you like to go back to them, too?

Ingrid

Yeah, well, better going back to Transylvania to face them than living in this dump. I mean, look at it. It's so... normal.

Vlad

Normal. That's just what I was thinking.

Vlad

Dad, you promised to be careful. Do I need to spell it out for you? M-O-B.

Count Dracula

I am Count Dracula, not spell Dracula.

Ingrid

M-O-B spells angry peasant mob howling for your dust.

Count Dracula

I know that, but I'm bored.

Count Dracula

Now, remember Vlad. The key to hypnotising your victim is to look deep... into their eyes.

Robin

Feeling a little uncomfortable with the word 'victim'.

Count

My noble son has finally brought glory to the family name.

Ingrid

Except he didn't use deceit... or break a single rule...

Vlad

Ingrid!

Ingrid

Or cheat!

Count

[shocked] Vladimir, is this true?

Vlad

Fighting doesn't prove anything!

Count Dracula

Of course it does, it proves who's best at fighting!

Vlad

You wanted to see me?

Count

Ah, Vladimir. I fear that you're not trying your best to pass this Blood Test. And I know that no son and heir of mine would fail something so straight forward, and if they did, well... they wouldn't be my son and heir for very long.

Vlad

[disbelievingly] Are you saying you'd disown me... if I fail the test?!

Count

No, of course not. I'd just deny all knowledge of your existence.

Count

What a night I've had! Stop what you're doing and prepare to be amazed!

Vlad

What... you got a job as a magician?

Renfield

Oh, if you need an attractive assistant I look absolutely stunning in sequins.

Count

No, you idiots! I've been out hunting!

Vlad

You're leaving?

Count

But you said you loved me.

You were dying... I was trying to be nice.

Vlad

Unless you want us driven out of town again... I suggest we make friends with the slayers.

Count

Friends?! Vampires and slayers can never be friends. We're opposites; sun and moon, night and day, stake and...

Renfield

(holding up a bag) Chips? Anyone?