Robin quotes from Young Dracula

Robin

Where do you hold a vampire?

Robin

I hear with my little ear something beginning with 'awesome'!

Vlad

So this is school.

Robin

Yeah. It's a bit like a prison, only sometimes people escape from prison.

Chloe

[to Vlad] I don't understand. Shouldn't you be in Transylvania?

Robin

Close encounter with an angry peasant mob.

Vlad

We've come here to keep a low profile.

Chloe

Really? Well try and not bring your cape into school next time.

Vlad

Wow, I never realized doing homework could be so much fun.

Robin

You're kidding?! I'd rather have my tongue pulled out.

Vlad

You did what?!

Ingrid

Don't you want to see her?

Vlad

Sorry, which mum are we walking about? Coz I'm thinking about the backstabbing witch from Hell one!

Robin

Cool! At least she sounds like a proper vampire. I mean, you two haven't got a fang between you.

Robin

So I'm not a vampire after all? But I was so sure.

Vlad

I know. You were selfish. You betrayed your friends, you were totally inhuman.

Robin

[smiling] You mean...

Vlad

Just because you aren't a vampire doesn't mean you can't be evil.

Robin

Thanks, Vlad. You're my best mate, you know that don't you?

Vlad

Robin, I'm your only mate.

Robin

Exactly.

Count Dracula

Now, remember Vlad. The key to hypnotising your victim is to look deep... into their eyes.

Robin

Feeling a little uncomfortable with the word 'victim'.

Now Robin, it doesn't matter what your teachers say tonight as long as you've gotten over this morbid obsession with vampires.

Robin

Yes, Mum.

Graham

And if not we've decided to send you to Happy Camp.

Robin

Happy Camp?!

Graham

It's where troubled children go and learn how to be happy.

Through happy music and happy dance.

Robin

Oh, just kill me now!

Vlad

I can't believe Dad only came to Parents' Evening to get his revenge on Mr. Van Helsing!

Ingrid

Stop whinging! At least he didn't find out he was a slayer.

Vlad

I suppose I've just gotta accept it; our family's not normal.

Ingrid

Who'd want to be normal? I mean, look at him.

Robin

Checkmate! Who's the loser! Who's the loser! Go loser! Go loser! Go loser!

Vlad

[to Ingrid] Fair point.

[To Robin] Do you prefer French blood or Italian?

Tick, tock! Tick, tock!

Ingrid

[Raising her hand] Oh, I know! I know!

Let him answer!

Robin

Neither, they both taste of garlic.

I approve.

Vlad

If they knew what my life was like here...

Robin

They'd kill you?

Vlad

Well... no. They'd send me back to Transylvania. To a vampire boarding school. No friends, no family, no daylight ever again. I'd spend the rest of eternity lurking around in the shadows. Can you imagine anything worse?

Robin

[Awed] Wicked!

Robin

[to Ingrid and Chloe] I've just had a thought, if we can't stop this marriage you two will be step sisters.

Chloe

Eurgh! I'd rather be undead!

Robin

That's it, Vlad! Tackle him! Tackle him! Yeees! Oh, ok, no! Well, get up then! What's wrong with you?! It's only a knee you've got another one!

Robin

What?

Chloe

Robin, I'm so proud of you. Who'd have thought it? Gloom-cookey Robin is a real Branagh after all.

Robin

Dad, you're not really gonna fight a vam... a vastly superior fighter like the Count?

Graham

Don't be so surprised, when I was in the cub scouts I came second in the Boxing Championship.

Robin

Mum said you lost to a girl.

Graham

Brownies can be vicious.