Malik quotes from Young Dracula

Malik

One rule about a fight to the death; there's no time to gloat.

Malik

Alas, poor Elizabeta. I knew her, Vlad.

Malik

Wanna get some blood the old school way?

Ingrid

Breaking the cease-fire. You're more stupid than you look, which is saying some.

Count

Do you know what the V stands for?

Malik

Vampire?

Count

Veni... Vedi... Voro... I came, I saw, I consumed!

Malik

(spluttering) What're you trying to pull? This is diluted!

Hey! We donated that blood.

Malik

That explains the bitter after-taste.

You should be grateful for what you're given!

Malik

And you should be grateful you're alive!

Vlad

So should you!

Vlad

You made a big mistake at the football match.

Malik

Oh, tell me about it. I should've headed Ryan's cross instead of going for the volley. Sorry, mate.

Bertrand

You bit your way through half the slayer team!

Malik

Oh, that mistake?

Vlad

The Slayer's Guild have given us forty-eight hours to stop attacking Breathers, otherwise the ceasefire is over.

Does this mean they don't want a rematch?

Malik

Why are you doing this?

Ingrid

Because I have to complete all my tasks to impress the High Council.

Malik

Yeah, a bunch of stuffy old men. Why do you care what they think?

Ingrid

(sarcastically) Oh, wait. I learned this one in therapy. Because, deep down, I'm just a lonely, little girl, who craves her Daddy's approval.

Malik

No, you're not. You're a ruthless psychopath, who craves fresh blood and raw power.

Ingrid

And you've been following me around all day! What does that make you?

Malik

I just don't want to see you make a fool of yourself.

Ingrid

Why do you even care?!

Malik

I just do! (pause) Care. Okay?

Ingrid

(taken aback) But I'm a power-mad psychopath.

Malik

Maybe I like power-mad psychopaths.

Ingrid

I don't need anyone.

Malik

Exactly.

Ingrid

But... you said you...

Malik

What?

Ingrid

Cared!

Malik

I do. Just... not like that.

Ingrid

I gave up a seat at the High Council for you!

Malik

I'm sorry! I thought we were friends.

Ingrid

We were friends! That's why you're still alive.

Ingrid

That explains why you didn't...

Malik

Fall for your charms? Otherwise...

Count

The sun rises in the east, sets in the west, this room is south facing.

Ingrid

(Realising) Meaning...

Malik

We'll be directly under it's path at midday.

Count

We'll be barbecued to a cinder.

Ingrid

What time is it now?

Malik

(checking his watch) Eleven o'clock.

Help! Help! Renfield! HELP!

Malik

All I ever wanted was a family.

Ingrid

Join the club.

Vlad

Bertrand knew about dark forces.

Shame somebody staked him. (glares pointedly at Vlad)

Malik

Actually that was me, well me and Mum. Bertrand was onto us so we (laughing) tricked Vlad into staking him! (pause) What? It's a classic wind-up!

Vlad

He's completely psychotic!

Count

He's a chip off the old stake, alright.

Want to know a secret?

Malik

Always.

Count

Do you swear eternal loyalty to your Liege and Lord?

Malik

I do.

Count

Will you guard and protect me from all enemies whomsoever (glares at Vlad) they may be?

Malik

I will.

Count

About time someone did!

Vlad

I told you if I ever saw you again, I would stake you myself!

Malik

Nice to see you too.