Ingrid quotes from Young Dracula

Daddy, how much longer is this going to take?

Depends on how much of a fight he puts up.

Vlad

Fight? No one said anything about a fight.

Count

Well, if he's strong it could take all day. But if he's a pathetic, spineless little wimp then...

Ingrid

Well, that answers that!

Vlad

You mean he's... he's dead?

Robin

Congratulations! Or not. What did I miss?

Ingrid

Nothing much. Oh, I broke a nail... and Boris is dead.

Ingrid

I wouldn't let Dad catch you sitting there.

Really? Why's that?

She's right, Master Boris. Only the Count is permitted to sit on the throne.

Thanks for the warning, but I don't take advise from stuffed dogs.

Ingrid

He's a wolf!

I wasn't talking to him.

Ouch!

(to Vlad) Just wanna let you know, when it's your turn you'll become just as evil as I am. Just you wait, you can't escape your destiny (laughs). I'll be back! No one can stop me! No one! (Laughs hysterically).

Ingrid

He's lost it. Big time.

Ingrid

That's my diary!

Vlad

I'd hate to be the one to show you this, Dad.

Count

(Reading from Ingrid's diary) "My old Dad's a vampire, he wears a vampire cloak... but no one's really scared of him they think he's just a joke..." Ingrid!

Ingrid

But I didn't write that.

Count

(Reading again) "He's getting old and past it and it's very plain to see... his hair is going grey, his fangs are false and his cardigan smells of wee!" I do not wear cardigans!

Ingrid

(to Vlad) And that's not my handwriting!

Count

That is no excuse!

Count

(furiously) You gave her the antidote?!

Ingrid

(To Robin and Vlad) That's right, boys! I'm back!

Vlad

Run!

Count

I have some midnight hunting to do!

Ingrid

Off to nibble some sheep again, are we Daddy?

Count

SHEEP?! How dare you! I am the Prince of Darkness! I...

Vlad

Well, just make sure the farmer doesn't catch you this time.

Vlad

Mum's pregnant?! How did this happen?!

Ingrid

Well, when a Mummy and Daddy love each other they make a special wish for a baby!

Vlad

Ingrid, do you ever have weird dreams?

Ingrid

Only a recurring one where annoying geek of a brother keeps asking me stupid questions.

Ingrid

You don't get to go to the dream world until you're sixteen.

Vlad

What dream world?

Ingrid

The place vampires go when they sleep, bat brain! If you're slain there you die for real.

Robin

That's not good news.

If your dad lays a finger on my Mum...

Ingrid

It's his fangs I'd be worried about!

Robin

So, did I become a vampire?

Vlad

Yeah, and yes you were wearing black.

Robin

Cool!

(checking Vlad) There's nothing wrong with him.

Ingrid

You wouldn't say that if you had to live with him.

Has this ever happened before?

Ingrid

No.

Are you feeling stressed?

Ingrid

No!

Is the Breather in question attractive?

Ingrid

Well, sort of. But I don't see how that's relevant.

I'm sorry, I did not understand your answer. Is the Breather in question attractive?

Ingrid

(reluctantly) Yes.

Does lighting flicker in their presence?

Ingrid

(reluctantly) Yes.

Duh! You're in love with a Breather.

Ingrid

What?! I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH A BREATHER!

Ingrid

(shocked) I am so undead!

I don't want to say "I told you so"... but I told you so!

Vlad

Ingrid, wait!

Ingrid

What?

Vlad

I just wanna say... goodbye.

Ingrid

I'm only gonna be in there two minutes.

Vlad

I know it's just... when Boris went... he came back selfish and evil...

Ingrid

But I'm already selfish and evil.