Vlad quotes from Young Dracula

Bertrand

Vlad! I've been looking for you everywhere! I know; I know who the...

Vlad, wait, no!

(Shocked) What have you done?

Vlad

Spread the word. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Vlad

Bertrand knew about dark forces.

Shame somebody staked him. (glares pointedly at Vlad)

Malik

Actually that was me, well me and Mum. Bertrand was onto us so we (laughing) tricked Vlad into staking him! (pause) What? It's a classic wind-up!

Vlad

He's completely psychotic!

Count

He's a chip off the old stake, alright.

Ingrid

The writing was on the wall from the moment you brought that cuckoo into the nest.

Vlad

You think I don't know that?

Vlad

(to the Count) Since when did Ingrid ask if you were okay?

Renfield

Shapeshifter!

Ingrid

What's going on in there?

Count

Enter!

Ingrid

(comes in the room) You idiot. You should've known the real McCauley would never kiss you. You're a disgusting, pale, skinny antique.

Vlad

Yep, that's Ingrid.

Vlad

Well, Erin and Malik have been spotted in Paris. Bit some tourists on the Eiffel Tower.

Renfield

Sounds painful.

Ingrid

Admit it, you miss her.

Vlad

I hope she chokes on a garlic snail.

Vlad

What's the matter?

Renfield

(tearfully) My hair was out of control... so I got rid of it.

Vlad

Really?

Renfield

Yeah.

Vlad

Most people just switch hair gels.

Vlad

Do you think this room's scary enough?

Renfield

(Laughing) Oh, it's me!

Vlad

I'll take that as a yes.

Vlad

This room is for the sculptor I was telling you about. She's staying for the weekend and we need her alive.

Count

What, the whole weekend?

George

I think this coffin's way too fancy. Only a loser vampire would sleep in something like this.

Count

(to Vlad) I'm starting to like her.

Vlad

Too fancy, got it. What about the rest of the room? That's pretty cool.

George

I dunno. It's all a bit try-hard. Feels like the bedroom of a total poser. And there's a really weird smell... like a cross between...

Vlad

(annoyed) Let's find you another room, shall we?

Vlad

What're you doing here? You're supposed to be at the conference all weekend.

Ingrid

I got bored.

Vlad

(smirking) They gave you loads of lame jobs to do, didn't they?

Ingrid

(glares at him) I don't want to talk about it.

Sally

Have they been good to you? Your... parents?

Vlad

Well, as power-hungry, bloodthirsty undead parents go... not bad.

Vlad

You promised you'd be normal!

Ingrid

This is normal, mongrel boy!

George

But you'll be banished too.

Ingrid

Excuse me?

George

Told you I was doing Latin at school. (Reading from a scroll) "Pacata omnia pacata patris familiae". The sins of the father are the sins of all the family.

Ingrid

Let me see that!

Count

(Laughs) The Breather child's right! Ingrid and Vlad are as tainted as myself. If she betrays us, she will be banished for eternity. Ping!

Vlad

(To Ingrid) Should've brushed up on your Latin. (Smirks) I think that's what they call "checkmate"?

Ingrid

(Seething) I hope that jelly chokes the lot of you!

Vlad

I told you if I ever saw you again, I would stake you myself!

Malik

Nice to see you too.

Malik

I'm still a Dracula, like it or not.

NOT!