Vlad quotes from Young Dracula

Vlad

You made a big mistake at the football match.

Malik

Oh, tell me about it. I should've headed Ryan's cross instead of going for the volley. Sorry, mate.

Bertrand

You bit your way through half the slayer team!

Malik

Oh, that mistake?

Vlad

The Slayer's Guild have given us forty-eight hours to stop attacking Breathers, otherwise the ceasefire is over.

Does this mean they don't want a rematch?

Vlad

I can revamp you! Now, who's with me?

Bertrand

"Revamp"? Really?

Vlad

I thought it was catchy. Obviously, not everyone agrees.

Vlad

Are you sure you wanna be here for this?

Are you kidding? I wanna get a proper look at the competition.

Vlad

There is no competition.

Right answer.

Vlad

During the Blood Tea Ceremony, Dad, Ramanga, Adze and I all have to drink blood from the same cup. If I break off the engagement after that Ramanga's family are honour-bound to hunt me down and kill me.

Haven't they ever heard of relationship counselling?

Vlad

(To Ingrid and Bertrand) You find a candidate and we'll put them to the test.

Count

Excellent idea. They can undertake the trial of Grin Apnoire. Three nights in the caves of Carthusia, where they'll face their biggest fear and from where only one... can return.

Vlad

Or, alternatively, we could do a quiz!

Bertrand

Sorry, your Dad lost the keys.

Vlad

Well, don't stress. I'm about to be bloodbound to someone I don't love literally forever. So being roasted alive will probably be the highlight of my day!

Count

Nobody threatens my Vladdy. (winces with pain) Ah!

Vlad

(impressed) Go, Dad!

Vlad

I'm not leaving Erin like this.

Count

Like what?

Renfield

She's hovering between life and death.

Count

Oh. I thought she seemed duller than usual.

Ingrid

Don't do it, Vlad. You're making a mistake.

Vlad

Get out!

Ingrid

Look, I don't know what's going on with you, and I don't really care. But you're not acting like the Vlad I know. Trust me, I've spent seventeen years with the little wimp.

Vlad

(deep voice) ERIN! ERIN!

Ingrid

Oh, great, he's doing the voice again.

Count

What would you like, Vladdy?

Renfield

Roast neck of a Breather? Crispy fingers with a puss dip to start...

Vlad

Pizza?

Renfield

Pizza.

Bertrand

There's evil, I can feel it.

Vlad

We're evil.

Bertrand

Besides us.

Vlad

(Surprised) Pizza!

Count

It's what you wanted, isn't it?

Vlad

Yeah! But... you never give me what I want.

Count

Ah, all that's changed. Now you've proven yourself, what Vladdy wants, Vladdy will get.

Ingrid

Oh, please.

Ingrid

But he's only bitten one person! It's hardly carnage!

Count

That will soon follow. It's inevitable, now he's... tasted the nectar.

Vlad

I don't drink blood.

Count

Are you insane?

Vlad

I'm thirsty... I wanna get a drink.

Bertrand

Bloodthirsty?