You Can't Do That on Television Season 7 quotes

Well, how did the dog-walking job go today, Adam?

[takes the bone out of his mouth] It's not fair! You'd think they'd have given me a bonus!

Oh, no, what happened, dear?

Well, you see, they ask me to walk their prize-winning pedigree dogs just before the dog show. I thought they looked, a little bit bored, so I took them on a rabbit hunt, you know, through the woods, across some ditches. So what if they got a little bit messy? You think their owners would be pleased that their precious little dogs had more fun that afternoon than they ever did in their entire lives! But no, no... first they yell at me, then they threatened to sue me!

[screaming] ADAM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

I'm cleaning the windows...

NO, YOU'RE NOT!

But we agreed for ten dollars I'd clean the windows.

ADAM, WHEN YOU WASH THE WINDOWS, YOU SHUT THEM FIRST!

You're the one inside, you do that!

YOU'RE FIRED! [slams the window]

First she yells at me, then she fires me, my own mother! [Points the sprayer at the camera. The screen turns to static]

[voiceover] ALL RIGHT! ADAM, THAT'S IT! YOU ARE FIRED!

"Algebra Is Exciting!" will not be seen at this time so that we may bring you the following program which is more certain to put you to sleep.

"Falcon Crest Eaten By Termites" will not be seen at this time. In its place, we present a show guaranteed to wreck any home.

"Top Gun Gets Put On Latrine Cleaning Duty" will not be seen at this time so that we may bring you the following foul-smelling show.

(Addressing Adam as Moses): Moses, find thee a hammer and chisel and set down on tablets of stone.

I will, Lord. Then what?

Bring them to the children of Israel. They have been misbehaving lately.

But what if they don't follow them, Lord?

Then you have my permission to discipline them. Take away their dessert and turn off the TV set.

But, Lord, TV won't be invented for 2,000 years to come.

Oh, darn. I was looking forward to The Cosby Show tomorrow.

Ross, here's your stupid toothbrush. I cleaned every toilet in the entire building. What now?

Vanessa, I am tough, but I am a fair man. Now, I want you to do something to benefit yourself. Brush your teeth with it. Up and down, not sideways.

[As Moses, carving the commandments] Ah, Lord?

Yes, Moses?

I'm a little hungry. Could I have something to eat?

Have this manna, Moses. [A couple of burgers fall down.] Bon appetit.

Thank you, Lord. [He takes a bite out of one] This manna's gross, Lord! Where'd you get it?

By a manna merchant named Bartholomew.

Perhaps you can include it as one of the Seven Plagues of the Pharaoh, Lord.

Duuuuhhhh, I heard thee!

"The Greatest Detective" will not be seen at this time. In its place, we present the following clueless program.