“Discipline” quotes from You Can't Do That on Television

"Top Gun Gets Put On Latrine Cleaning Duty" will not be seen at this time so that we may bring you the following foul-smelling show.

(Addressing Adam as Moses): Moses, find thee a hammer and chisel and set down on tablets of stone.

I will, Lord. Then what?

Bring them to the children of Israel. They have been misbehaving lately.

But what if they don't follow them, Lord?

Then you have my permission to discipline them. Take away their dessert and turn off the TV set.

But, Lord, TV won't be invented for 2,000 years to come.

Oh, darn. I was looking forward to The Cosby Show tomorrow.

Ross, here's your stupid toothbrush. I cleaned every toilet in the entire building. What now?

Vanessa, I am tough, but I am a fair man. Now, I want you to do something to benefit yourself. Brush your teeth with it. Up and down, not sideways.

[As Moses, carving the commandments] Ah, Lord?

Yes, Moses?

I'm a little hungry. Could I have something to eat?

Have this manna, Moses. [A couple of burgers fall down.] Bon appetit.

Thank you, Lord. [He takes a bite out of one] This manna's gross, Lord! Where'd you get it?

By a manna merchant named Bartholomew.

Perhaps you can include it as one of the Seven Plagues of the Pharaoh, Lord.

Duuuuhhhh, I heard thee!