You Can't Do That on Television · Season 4, Episode 3
“Manners or Bad Habits” · Season 4, Episode 3
In this episode: Christine (4), Lisa (3), Kevin (3), Alasdair (2), Mrs. Prevert (1), Mr. Schidtler (1), Mr. Prevert (1), Blip (1)
[The classroom. Lisa is jabbering away to Christine, who is sitting in the desk behind her, and doesn't hear Mr. Schidtler call her name several times.]
LISA!!!!!
What?!
Lisa, please do not talk with your mouth open.
Sir, don't you mean "Do not talk with your mouth full"?
No, I mean, "Do not talk with your mouth open."
Well, how else am I supposed to talk?!
Exactly.
[The rest of the classroom erupts in applause]
[Reading aloud from the show's producers' book of etiquette, on table manners] "It is generally considered impolite to wolf your cookies while reciting your multiplication tables."
"Laverne & Shirley Go To Finishing School" will not be seen at this time in order that we may bring you the following show, which is getting to be a bad habit.
[leaving Blip's Arkaid] Oh, uh, Blip, thanks for taking me.
Don't you mean "Thanks for having me"?
No, I mean thanks for taking me for every cent I've got.
Oh, no trouble. Any time you've got a pocket full of loose change, drop in.
[Lisa is interrupting Mrs. Prevert's story at the dinner table.]
Lisa, how many times do I have to tell you, dear? It is impolite to interrupt. You must wait your turn.
But when does my turn come?
Here. [He takes a card from a stand on the table.] Take a number.
3,796?!
Yep.
What's your number?
[holding up his card] 2.
[Lisa throws away her card in frustration.]
So, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...
[At Barth's]
You know, Barthy runs a pretty clean place here.
Clean? You call this place clean? Why, even the rats wouldn't be caught dead here.
Yeah, and if they did, they'd end up in the burger mix, anyway.
Christine, you know that producers' books about etiquette and manners? Well, what does it say about that green slime they're always dumping on us?
Ah, you almost caught me. You almost got me, but I'll look it up in the book.
[She looks through the pages.]
G, okay. Garbage, gobbledygook, gag-- green slime. Okay. [reads] "I don't know."
[Slime falls on Christine. She slams the book closed.]
You know, they're getting sneaky about this green slime stuff.
[looking at the book of manners] Here's a really strange habit: drooling. Kevin, do you drool?
Well, yeah, all the time.
You drool?
Well, yeah, every time I see a really pretty girl, I drool.
I've never seen you drool.
No, me, neither.
Well, of course not. I said every time I see a pretty girl.
[holding the book up to Kevin's face] Kevin, look closely at that word. [She slams the book in his nose.]
The manners portrayed in this production of You Can't Do That On Television are those of the producers and are not endorsed by the participants.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's You Can't Do That on Television pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
