Jack Spicer quotes from Xiaolin Showdown

Jack

When hunting the elusive Wu, you have to move as quiet as a cat. [accidentally stubs his toe] OOOOWWWWWWWWW, OOOOHHH THAT HURT! [screams loudly, then covers up mouth]

Kimiko

[sleeping] Yawn.

Jack

[creeps up next to her; quietly] Shadow of Fear! [enters Kimiko's dream, causing her to start having a nightmare]

Kimiko

[grunting in her sleep] No, NO!

Jack

[as the Xiaolin monks switch fears and fight while getting to the Crouching Cougar] Hey, no fair! [flips through the script] Where does it say they could switch?! I hate it when actors improvise!

[hovers through the script] Will you just forget about them, and get the Shen Gong Wu?!

[enraged at Jack after the Xiaolin monks win the showdown] You and your directing! Nine! We lose nine Shen Gong Wu!

Jack

Cut! Cut! I said, cut!

What are you doing!?

Jack

Do you have to sneak up on me all the time?

Would you prefer I did this?! [she flies through Jack's face]

Jack

Whatever you do, PLEASE? Don't do that.

You're here looking for Chase Young.

Jack

Could it be that one certain disembodied floating headed is getting...jealous?

Don't be ridiculous! [laughs] What's so special about Chase Young anyway?

Jack

He's only the world's most skill master of Tai Chi. You know that's how you get to be a best. Hanging with the best.

Jack

Uh, I'm not here to raid your Shen Gong Wu.

Who's stopping you? Well, Jack, if you help me find the Monarch Wings, I'll make it worth your while.

Jack

Are you asking if we can form an evil alliance?

Put it there, baby. [gives Jack a wet willy]

Kimiko

Sibini is going after the Monarch Wings!

Jack

The Monarch Wings are mine! [grabs them with his teeth, until Sibini jumps onto his face, screams in terror like a girl, and flees]

Kimiko

Sibini, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! I wager the Eye of Dashi against the Tangle Web Comb.

Omi

Does that mean he accepts?

Raimundo

I think so.

Kimiko

The contest is First to grab the Monarch Wings and make it outside the Ring of Geysers wins. Let's go!

XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!

Jack

[playing around with the Lunar Locket] Look at me! I'm the ruler of the moon. Watch! Look at it dance. Whoo-hoo! This is so awesome!

Stop playing with the moon, Jack. It isn't a toy.

Raimundo

Jake Spicer. Maybe we can warmed up by having a good ol' fashion butt kicking contest!

Jack Spicer

[nervously smiled] Hey,..guys, I..I know what you're thinking.

Kimiko

You couldn't possibly! Are you being screaming of little girl of screaming of yours!

Foul!

I didn't touch you!

Did not... [they start fighting, old Jack also fights]

Stop! The Ring of Nine Dragons is for creating evil, not for copying yourself for your own amusement, or picking your teeth! [While big headed Jack does so]

Jack

Hello, Xiaolin losers! Ready to admit defeat?

Omi

Never! I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four!

Jack

[mocking Omi] "I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four." [gets in Omi's face] Dude, get over yourself!

Jack

Fearsome Four! I command you to… [thinks] laugh evilly! [they laugh] Now laugh evilly while… hopping on one leg! [they do so]

Stop playing, Jack!

Jack

In a minute. Now, laugh evilly while… TAP DANCING! [the Fearsome Four dance and laugh as music plays in the background]

Jack

I ask for knife-throwing lessons, mom sends me figure-skating. "You never know when it'll come in handy!" Now I feel kinda a bad for making a robot out of her juicer.

That Spicer kid sure has nice form.

Clay

Whoo! Look there, a triple Salchow! [The others stare at him] What? Cowboys can't like figure-skating?

Raimundo

Come on, Omi. Just because you're built like a hockey puck doesn't mean you have to skate like one!

Jack Spicer

I'm an artiste, I communicate with my feet.

If I had feet I'd communicate all over you.

Jack, fire the laser! Jack!

Jack

[He wakes up, screaming] Wuya! With you it's hard to tell if I'm coming out of a nightmare or going into one!

Just shut up and fire the laser.

I hear Wuya dump you, again.

Jack Spicer

[Imitating Vlad] "I jear Wuya dump you!" Nobody hears Wuya dump me, because I dump Wuya.

That is not what they say on Internet!

Jack Spicer

[Excitedly] I'm on the Internet?

Da, in warrior chat rooms everywhere! You big laughing stock! Now when person loses everything, new hip thing to say is 'Aw, I got Jacked!' [Laughs evilly]