Jack Spicer quotes from Xiaolin Showdown

Jack

Hey you know what they say, finders keepers, losers weepers.

Omi

The only one being a weeping loser is you Jack Spicer! And you Wuya! You shall weep over your loss as well!

Jack

Wow! That is the lamest taunt ever. Stick to the jumping and kicking Omi.

Omi

As you wish!

Kimiko

[turning livid] WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET HIM BACK?!?!?!

Jack

Oops.

Delicious. My domination of the world is now...complete.

Raimundo

Uh, Wuya? You might wanna do head count. You're short one, Omi.

Omi? [gasps, poof] Where's Omi?

Clay

Frankly, It's none of your business, Ma'am.

Oh, as they say I have ways to making you talk.

Jack

He's trapped in a past!

Raimundo

What?

Jack

Yeah. He traveled back in time as some guy named Dashi for help!

Omi's in a past?

Kimiko

Yes. And now he's trapped there!

Jack

And it was me who sent him back, Wuya! I was really on your side all the way! Stupid Omi walked right in to our trap! WOO-HOO! You can let me go now.

Forget it, Jack. I'm not buying it.

Jack

Really? Even if I whimper? [whimpers]

Raimundo

Omi's really trapped in the past?

Kimiko

We'll never see him again, thanks to you!

And I hope you feel guilty about it.

Clay

Yeah, nice going, you two-faced fink.

Raimundo

I...I never wanted anything happen to you guys, I...I just wanted my due.

And now you're got it, Raimundo. To the dungeon with them!

Raimundo

Wait, wait! Wuya. What if these guys. You know swear loyalty to you. Maybe they could sort a live the the palace? With me?

If, they swear their loyalty.

Raimundo

C'mon, guys! You won't believe the stuff she's got video games, racecars, speed boats...

Jack

Sold! You can let me go now.

The offer's not for you, Jack.

Jack

Buy, you really hold the grudge.

Raimundo

Guys, Wuya rules the whole world. So, c'mon, join the winning team already. What do you say?

Kimiko

What do we say? How about...DREAM ON!

[offscreen] Forget it!

Jack

Me? Fighting for good? In a bathrobe? Forget it. Next time we meet, we're enemies again.

Jack

But maybe some time, if we're not fighting over Shen Gong Wu, we can all go for ice cream. My treat.

Omi

Yes that would be most nice. We could get a Monday!

Clay

Sundae.

Omi

Even better!

Shard of Lightning!

As soon as the user brings forth the power of the Shard, he can move so fast no one can see him.

Jack

I got the big guy. You get the little monk, Jack. [takes the Eye of Dashi out of Raimundo's hand] The hand is faster than even the Eye of Dashi. [then places a bucket of water over his head] That should teach them to mess with Jack Spicer.

[referring to Omi] What to do with the cheese ball? Ah! [switches the Golden Tiger Claws with a squirrel]

Jack

Nah. Not evil enough. [hammers Omi's shoes to the ground]

Why stop there? [pulls down Omi's pants]

Jack

Perfect!

But the powers of the Shard only last as long as the flash of lightning.

Omi

I challenge you, Jack Spicer, and also you, Jack Spicer double, to a showdown trio! Last man standing wins the game. I wager the Tongue of Saiping!

Jack

I wager the Shard of Lightning!

I wager the Shroud of Shadows!

Jack

I change my mind. I want the Shroud of Shadows.

Too late. It's already mine.

Omi

Let's go. Xiaolin Showdown!

[Talking to Omi] Soon you will be my greatest ally!

Jack

I'll even write your own evil theme music! [dramatic music plays] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!

Omi

This is NOT right!

Raimundo

Jack, I challenge you to a…

[clears throat] A Showdown Trio. This was on your cheat sheet, too.

Jack

Fine. How 'bout my Tangle Web Comb for Raimundo's Eye of Dashi, and Pandabubba's Fist of Tebigong?

Raimundo

I'm cool with that. Winner takes the Longi Kite. What's the showdown?

Last boat afloat wins the showdown.

[in unison] Let's go, Xiaolin Showdown!

Take off those wings!

Jack

HOW DO YOU CONTROL THESE THINGS?!

Jack

[holding the Sands of Time] Looking for this, Xiaolin losers? Too bad! You're out of luck and out of time! Haahaaha!

Omi

It was up to me to find the Sands of Time and I failed all of you. My friends, Master Fung and the entire universe! I believe that about covers it.

Jack

I guess this would be the part where I let out my new trademark evil laugh. Hahahahahahhahahahah! Muahahahahahaha! [This continues for several seconds]

Omi

Not so fast Spicer! He who is last to be laughing laughs most loudly!

Raimundo

What Omi did to that sentence is what we're going to do to you!

Jack

[holding up the Sweet Baby Among Us Wu] It's like taking candy from a bunch of babies! [laughs hysterically]

Old Jack

Huh? Who's got the rabies?

Jack

Hurry up, old timer. We gotta get the Ruby of Ramses before it reveals itself.

Omi

Jacks, we Omis challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown Tsunami!

Old Jack

I can't find my teeth.

Omi

Our Third Arm Sash against your Monkey Staff!

Old Jack

Our Mantis Flip Coin against your Thorn of Thunderbolt! Or Thunderbolt actually.

Old Omi

First group to make it to the top of the pyramid maze wins!

Jack

Bring it on, baldies! [chuckles]

Omi

Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown Tsunami!

Jack

I've got two words for you. GYM MEMBERSHIP!

Old Jack

Wha? I...I don't recall that name. Gym membership! He owes me 5 bucks that guy.

Clay

[as Jack uses the Mind Reader Conch; thinking] That Jack is slower than a three-legged cow in quicksand!

Jack

What!? I'm faster than any three-legged cow! [gets hit by Omi]