Xena: Warrior Princess · Season 6
Varia will try to avenge me. If she dies, the Amazons are lost. Promise me you'll protect her.
I promise, Marga.
Teach her to be a true warrior, as you are. The fate of the Amazons [gives beaded necklace to Xena] is in your hands.
(to Varia) Look, if you don't want my help, that's your choice, but just know that your sisters will live or die by what you decide to do.
If I had known how much fun you Amazons would be, I'd have come to this country years ago.
I'm not an Amazon.
But you're so tall.
It's the boots.
I don't usually do this, but I'd like to know your name before I kill you.
You first.
I'm Prince Chesnick Bloodicarr Morlock, Upper Scheherazadestan.
Xena of Amphipolis -- Warrior Princess, Warrior Mom -- who conquers Prince Chesty Forlock of Whatever-stan.
Ooh, I nicked you.
Where'd you get that -- shaving? (motions to a cut on his face)
No one ever drew my blood before.
There's plenty more where that came from.
Xena, there was nothing you could do. He was evil.
No, he was damaged, he wasn't evil.
(keeps trying to disapparate) It's not fair!
Welcome to my nightmare.
(Xena and Gabrielle are getting ready for a television interview)
Hey! [swats a pesky make-up girl away]
[having a microphone hooked to her top] Hey, watch where you put your hands!
Yeah, you watch where you put your hands, buddy.
But what you're saying is that most of these passengers are here because of Xena?
Raw numbers? Nah. She's a drop in the bucket. But Xena has sent me some pretty heavy hitters: Elynus of Mycenae, Marc Antony, Velasca, Callisto, you can even make a case for Caesar himself. These people do not lose their mortal coils without a fight.
Hey! Sometime this eternity!
Unlike this guy who's just been asking for a one-way ticket to the Underworld, if you ask me.
Oh, there's one more thing I would like to say. At least Xena pays her fare, unlike another so-called super hero I know, more like super-cheapskate. That's right. I'm talking about you, Hercules.
Please, try not to cover anything up.
Cover anything up? I'm the Devil, you idiot! I'm really bad. I'm evil incarnate. What do I have to cover up?
You're a real pain. I can't wait to get you down here.
Uh, with respect, sir, that's not going to happen. I'm not a murdering warlord. No, no, no. I'm an award winning investigative journalist. I'm a member of the fifth estate.
Like I said, I can't wait to get my claws into you.
Then why is Xena trying to steal the Golden Apples? And why is she shacked up with Ares? Did you know that? That's the same Ares that killed Eli while your mother stood by and did nothing.
You want to know about my mother? [gives him a good shove] I will tell you about my mother, you little sh*t! If my mother is with Ares, you can bet she's got a pretty fucking good reason!
Are you still jealous that Ares was obsessed with your mother the entire time he was sleeping with you?
[being held back by her fellow Elijans] You fucking brat! Stay the Hell away from my mother! You stay the fuck away from me or I will kick your fucking ass!
Not the kind of words you would expect to hear from Eve, the Messenger of Eli. [following in Eve's wake] Whatever happened to walking the path of light, Eve?
Fuck off!
You want your mother on Olympus, don't you? You want to see the God of War put back on his throne so Xena and Ares can continue your bloody ménage et trois? [gets decked by Eve then turns to camera] Tell me you got that. You got that, didn't you?
Calling number 27! One Thor's Hammer! We'll make you feel like the God of Thunder!
27! Yo, I got 27!
Ares, the former God of War!
No, I'm not … crap! [runs out of the tavern]
We found Ares, the former God of War, half naked and stinking of booze in a bordello.
I'm trying to get laid! I'm not a criminal!
Wait! Hold it! [to camera] And now, ladies and gentlemen, a world exclusive -- for the first time anywhere, Xena and Gabrielle reveal the true nature of their relationship. Gabrielle, Xena, are you two lovers?
You want the truth?
That's right, Xena, we want the truth. The whole world wants the truth.
It's like this, technically... [the camera begins to fade in and out and then finally the screen has only two words on it: STAND BY]
What?! It's dead?! The battery! This is the world's greatest story and you're telling me the battery is dead?! I don't believe this! Oh, man!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Xena: Warrior Princess pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
