Mother Carlson, how nice to see you, what a lovely surprise!
Down, boy.
Yes, ma'am.
S3 E8Baby, It's Cold Inside
S3 E12Venus and the Man
I think there are only two things anybody cares about in this world. One, survival, and two, conquest.
AArnold
What about sex?
That's part of survival.
S3 E13Dr. Fever and Mr. Tide (1)
Need I remind you that I have two growing ex-wives to support?
S3 E14Dr. Fever and Mr. Tide (2)
KKid
Why don't you shut up and play the Village People?
Jam it, pizza face.
S3 E16I Am Woman
She threatened to set the whole city on fire by setting matches to my suit.
Herb, did you order those petitions?
No. What do you think of that?
Andy, do you have any matches?
S3 E17Secrets of Dayton Heights
BBerwick
It's your radical affiliations, Mr. Nessman.
What radical affiliations?
Well, I am a member of the Hoedown Square-Dancing Club.
S3 E18Out to Lunch
[drunk] And that's why I say with the proper military backing, we can go anywhere in the world and say, "We are Americans! Give us your girls!"
Suppose I were to tell you that I've been having serious troubles at home?
Is that true?
No. But if it were true, my behavior would be acceptable, right?
Well, maybe, Herb, but that's not the point.
Sure, it's the point! Acceptable behavior. I mean, why is it okay for certain people to come floating in here on God knows what, but if I have one little drink --
I don't care what people's hobbies are, but I do care when it starts to affect their work, and I don't care who they are, if they start blowing it.
So what do you want?
I want you to shape up.
So what's new, Travis?
S3 E19A Simple Little Wedding
[Herb, Bailey and Jennifer are playing Monopoly, and Herb is bankrupt.]
Well, we could play Strip Monopoly. You could give us your coat, Herb!
Huh?
That's fine. I'll take the coat.
Guess which item of apparel comes next?
Whoo!
Is this what women's liberation is all about? Humiliation?
No. We just heard you had great legs.
[smiles and starts to unbutton his coat] Who told you?
Les.
[Herb stops unbuttoning his coat and exits quickly.]
I'm telling you, without that "Greenhouse effect," we'd all freeze to death.
Not so!
Les, it would be one hundred degrees below zero at night!
S3 E20Nothing To Fear But...
Somebody must have jimmied the lock!
[looking where Les's walls would be] Jimmied it? I think they took the whole door!
Johnny, my space has been violated!
Congratulations! It's about time.
S3 E21Till Debt Do Us Part
[to Andy] If you're not back in four hours, I'm going all Christmas music! Think about it, I mean it!
S3 E22Clean Up Radio Everywhere
In a situation like this, I always ask myself, what would my hero Edward R. Murrow think? And I think that Ed would think that this was censorship. Then I think about what my other hero, General George Patton, would think, and I think George would think that radio and television ought to be cleaned up, and if he were alive today, he'd take two armored cavalry divisions into Hollywood and knock all those liberal pinheads into the Pacific! So as you can see, I'm a very confused man. And when I get confused, I watch TV. Television is never confusing. It's all so simple somehow.
Half the time you can't even hear the lyrics.
Well, these people, these CURB monitors, they figured out the lyrics.
They sure did! Boy, I can see 'em now, huddled there in the corner of the church, playing every record slower and slower... then suddenly, "there's a naughty word!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.