[drunk] And that's why I say with the proper military backing, we can go anywhere in the world and say, "We are Americans! Give us your girls!"
S3 E18Out to Lunch
Suppose I were to tell you that I've been having serious troubles at home?
Is that true?
No. But if it were true, my behavior would be acceptable, right?
Well, maybe, Herb, but that's not the point.
Sure, it's the point! Acceptable behavior. I mean, why is it okay for certain people to come floating in here on God knows what, but if I have one little drink --
I don't care what people's hobbies are, but I do care when it starts to affect their work, and I don't care who they are, if they start blowing it.
So what do you want?
I want you to shape up.
So what's new, Travis?
S3 E19A Simple Little Wedding
[Herb, Bailey and Jennifer are playing Monopoly, and Herb is bankrupt.]
Well, we could play Strip Monopoly. You could give us your coat, Herb!
Huh?
That's fine. I'll take the coat.
Guess which item of apparel comes next?
Whoo!
Is this what women's liberation is all about? Humiliation?
No. We just heard you had great legs.
[smiles and starts to unbutton his coat] Who told you?
Les.
[Herb stops unbuttoning his coat and exits quickly.]
I'm telling you, without that "Greenhouse effect," we'd all freeze to death.
Not so!
Les, it would be one hundred degrees below zero at night!
S3 E20Nothing To Fear But...
Somebody must have jimmied the lock!
[looking where Les's walls would be] Jimmied it? I think they took the whole door!
Johnny, my space has been violated!
Congratulations! It's about time.
S3 E21Till Debt Do Us Part
[to Andy] If you're not back in four hours, I'm going all Christmas music! Think about it, I mean it!
S3 E22Clean Up Radio Everywhere
In a situation like this, I always ask myself, what would my hero Edward R. Murrow think? And I think that Ed would think that this was censorship. Then I think about what my other hero, General George Patton, would think, and I think George would think that radio and television ought to be cleaned up, and if he were alive today, he'd take two armored cavalry divisions into Hollywood and knock all those liberal pinheads into the Pacific! So as you can see, I'm a very confused man. And when I get confused, I watch TV. Television is never confusing. It's all so simple somehow.
Half the time you can't even hear the lyrics.
Well, these people, these CURB monitors, they figured out the lyrics.
They sure did! Boy, I can see 'em now, huddled there in the corner of the church, playing every record slower and slower... then suddenly, "there's a naughty word!"
S4 E1An Explosive Affair (1)
We have a responsibility to our listeners!
Right! If I die, who's gonna teach the children about Bo Diddley?
Well?
Well what?
Well, go back in there and get the albums.
Need I remind you that the police are going to search every inch of this station, including your desk drawer?
I'll go get those albums.
S4 E2An Explosive Affair (2)
[after hearing the sirens] It's the phone cops. They know what I did here today.
What are you talking about?
They're coming to get me, man!
That's paranoia, man!
Wake up, sucker, this is the phone company we're talking about! They see everything, they know everything, they got their own covert police force! I'm probably wired for sound right now! I gotta get out of here!
Johnny!
Don't use my name!!
Johnny! Venus! You're alive!
The newsman's eye. You just can't fool it.
Well, that's wonderful.
Gee thanks, Les.
Of course, I'll have to update my story. How'd you like it, Andy?
How'd I like what, Les?
My four o'clock news report. Didn't you listen?
Les, the transmitter blew up!
Of course! That was my lead!
You led off the newscast by telling them that we're off the air?
No. But I can include that in my update.
S4 E3The Union
I already belong to a union. It's a quasi-religious group called the International Sisterhood of Blond Receptionists. There are only twelve members in the world. We meet once every two years in Switzerland. If I told you our minimum salary you'd have a heart attack and die. Bye.
WKRP, with your generous help and support, has now climbed to 10th place in the Cincinnati market! If I sound emotional about this, it's because I can still hear my father saying: "Son, no matter what you decide to do in this life, always try to come in 10th." I think we've done it here, Dad!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.