TV show quotes
Where'd you get a jacket like that? I mean, do they sell them somewhere?
Of course, they sell them somewhere.
Where?
Yeah. I tell you, you tell somebody else, pretty soon the whole world is dressing like me.
[singing Peggy Sue by Buddy Holly with a hospital mask on his face until he notices Venus entering the room] Hi.
Hi.
How's it goin', Trap?
I'm lost.
So am I, but I don't care.
And so, in summary, this German piggy went to the common market. This Chinese piggy stayed home. This Soviet piggy had turkey. Our American piggy had none. This is Les Nessman saying wee wee wee all the way home.
I know what you're thinking, Herb. You're thinking God didn't make me this way. Well, God didn't make polyester either. You know what I'm saying, Herb?
I know what you're saying, I have no idea what it means.
So there we are standing at my front door, and he says, "Jennifer, some women would feel obligated after flying to New Orleans on a private jet and a moonlight dinner on a Mississippi riverboat, but I prefer a challenge. Someone who's interested in me, and not my money."
What'd you do?
Well, I wished him luck, kissed him on his bald spot and wheeled him to his car.
You used to be a good disk jockey, man. 'Course, that was when you were black.
You want to be Acting Program Director? You want to argue about something you don't care about with someone you agree with?
Do you understand what you just said?
Not a word.
Bailey runs a television station in Chicago. Travis is breeding guard dogs in New Mexico. Venus owns a clothing company called "Upwardly Mobile." Jennifer married and bought herself an entire island off the coast of Sardinia. Les Nessman? The Republican whip of the United States Senate!
What about you and me? Fever and me?
Well, Fever just sort of ... disappeared. There were rumors, of course, but really not much else.
And me? No no, don't tell me, I don't want to know. I'm dead, aren't I?
I can't wake up...
I know.
Scrooge could wake up!
Scrooge didn't eat one of Johnny's brownies.
Heat, there's no heat!
No kidding there's no heat! It's because Mr. Carlson's mother is here. She walks in, everything freezes. She is the Ice Queen! She has powers beyond any mortal woman!
Mother Carlson, how nice to see you, what a lovely surprise!
Down, boy.
Yes, ma'am.
I think there are only two things anybody cares about in this world. One, survival, and two, conquest.
What about sex?
That's part of survival.
Need I remind you that I have two growing ex-wives to support?
Why don't you shut up and play the Village People?
Jam it, pizza face.
She threatened to set the whole city on fire by setting matches to my suit.
Herb, did you order those petitions?
No. What do you think of that?
Andy, do you have any matches?
It's your radical affiliations, Mr. Nessman.
What radical affiliations?
Well, I am a member of the Hoedown Square-Dancing Club.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
