Why Herb, this is a really fine French wine!
Is it? Well, I told the guy to give me the best he's got in the store without going over fourteen bucks.
S2 E16Put Up Or Shut Up
S2 E17The Americanization of Ivan
Damn, I like this cloak and dagger stuff! Carrying a Russian across Ohio in the dead of night, and you're telling me my life ain't workin' out?
If there's one thing this reporter knows about, it's two things: One, hogs, and two, Russians.
S2 E18Les's Groupie
You're Les' fiancée?
DDarlene
Mm hmm.
Uh huh. Does Les know about this?
[Mrs. Nedelman] doesn't like for me to have lady guests.
DDarlene
It must be terrible to have such an awful landlady living right next door!
Oh, she's not my landlady, she's my tenant. I own this duplex.
DDarlene
Rather than put an old lady, or even a dog, out in the street, you just take it. What a man you are, Les Nessman.
S2 E20The Doctor's Daughter
[to Johnny] We've got a playlist. You should play the list. We've gotta play some Top 40 hits, don't we? Why, sure we do. Yet you have yet to play a single hit off the playlist all week. Play the playlist. Play a part of the playlist! Play one song off the playlist! Play a part of one of the songs off the playlist! Well, it's so nice to see we've established a dialogue here. There you go, you want to talk about this, I'll be in my office playing with a loaded revolver.
[after Andy's pressure to play a Top 40 song] Okay babies, we've got time for just one Top 40 Hit, so let's check out the Captain and Tenille. Uh oh! No more time. Maybe tomorrow!
S2 E23Venus Rising
[on getting older] I took a look at my wardrobe, and I asked myself, "does a grown man dress like this?"
S2 E24Most Improved Station
Why are we all here on this planet?
As opposed to where, Les?
S3 E1The Airplane Show
Travis, the very first day you came to this station you promised to get me a helicopter.
I know I did, Les, but that was a long time ago and I was lying.
Everybody around here thinks I'm crazy! Fortunately, you know better than that.
[silence]
Fortunately, you know better than that.
S3 E2Jennifer Moves
Unless someone comes out here right now and helps me with this piano, I'm never ever going to speak to any of you again for as long as I live!
[silence]
[about Jennifer's house] My great aunt Eureka Nessman lived in a house very like this once, all alone. She had a little parakeet and she used to let it fly free throughout the house.
Really?
Then she bought another parakeet, and another, and more and more until finally there were thousands of parakeets. And the mess they made was beyond belief. Aunt Eureka had gone insane of course, living all alone in a house very much like this one.
S3 E3Real Families
LLucille
We only allow the children to watch wholesome, family entertainment.
THTV Hostess
Like what?
LLucille
Well, the Little House on the Prairie. Now that's a fine, wholesome show. It's about blind children out west, and every week they have a fire, or someone gets an incurable disease. We enjoy it very much.
In the first place, Herb's name isn't Tarlek, it's Nietzsche. He's directly related to the famous nihilist philosopher. See, he came to America to prove through the use of polyester that God is dead, and I think he's succeeded admirably, don't you?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.