Alex Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Hello prisoners. (picks up a guy's hat, drops it, and points at Mr. Laritate) Warden.

Mr. Laritate

(smiles meekly)

(takes another guy's device) Sorry I'm late. I had a phone call (looks at Eddie) with your mom. She said, "Get out of my chair!"

(goes to different chair)

(sits down comfortably)

Alex

(turns to Stevie) Who are you?

I'm Stevie. Last name...I don't want to know yours so why do you want to know mine?

Mr. Laritate

She makes you look like him. (motions to Justin)

Justin

(waves)

Mr. Laritate

All right, I'll be back to let you out of the cage at three. If you need anything, you should have thought of that before you acted up. (leaves and closes the door)

Alex

(gets up) Hey Stevie, why don't you tell me a bedtime story about how you ended up in detention so fast? (takes a pillow hidden from inside a globe)

Got caught for some stuff at my old school, so they're making me make up detention here. But it's cool. It's the quickest way to meet my people.

Alex

(gets a sound machine from behind a plaque on the wall) You're people? Oh, you mean people like me! Thank you! That's so sweet! (makes a hammock) Now, if you'll excuse me. I need a couple of more hours shut eye under a gentle rain. (turns the sound machine on and the machine plays sounds of rain)

Yeah you gotta turn that down. It makes me want to go numero uno.

Yeah that's right, I speak French.

(turns the sound machine volume higher) Well, Oui, Oui.

Alex

(laughs and does a handshake with Stevie)

(singing) Broke my heart down the road. Spent the weekend sewing the pieces back on. Crayons and dolls pass me by. Walking gets too boring when you learn how to fly. Not the homecoming kind. Take the top off and who knows what you might find. Won't confess all of my sins. You can bet I'll try it but you can't always win. 'Cause I'm a gypsy. Are you coming with me?

(transforms into Uncle Kelbo)

Uncle Kelbo?

Alex

What's so magical about that?

Uncle Kelbo

A dragon does it.

Alex

Shakira!

Justin

Shakira!

Alex

Maybe if we say it in Spanish!

Justin

(in a Spanish accent) Shakira!

Alex

(in a Spanish accent) Shakira!

Alex

(to Stevie) We need to do something about this music (looks at Harper) then her.

Harper

(dancing)

Alex

I'd love to see the look on Justin's face if he saw this band instead of those jazz geezers.

That would be awesome! We gotta make that happen!

Alex

If only we knew two girls with devious enough minds to come up with a scheme to get Uggh to play at our school.

Hmmmm. I think I see one.

Alex

And I see another one. (high fives Stevie)

Harper

[bends to the ground] But that was Jeremy from science! He was going to ask me out.

Alex

Harper.

Harper

[turns to Alex] And now we will never know.

Alex

You're not my friend Harper.

Harper

What?

Alex

Stevie's my friend. You're my sister.

Harper

(smiles)

Alex

(hugs Harper) I love you.

Harper

I love you too.

Alex

Okay. (crawl over the window)

Harper

Wait, what are you doing?

Alex

Well I'm not going to let you stay here alone.

Harper

But what if you get in trouble?

Alex

For what, sneaking into detention? Yeah I would love to see how that works.

Harper

I guess if you get into trouble you're already here so... Hey your boots match the detention chair.

Alex

Yeah, there use to be two chairs. (sits on the detention chair the same time as Harper)

Alex

Wait, wait, wait! We've heard two different stories here.

Harper

Well, maybe Warren is lying. Let's see if he can stand up to one of my uncomfortable stares.

Justin

[shudders]

Harper

Yep, he's a liar.

Alex

Quick! Quick! He fainted. Someone give me a pen. I love drawing mustaches on people who can't stop me!

Justin

Uh, now it makes sense, he won and a disgruntled family member is trying to wreck it for him. I've seen my future in the present.

Alex

Stevie is my friend. I'm sure she's got a reasonable explanation for what's going on.

Alex

Everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

Justin

C'mon Harper, let's go find Stevie. [starts to walk away with Harper]

Alex

I bet you he has a pen on him! [searches Warren]

Justin

[goes back to Alex and drags her away] Alex, stop that! It looks illegal.

Laritate, you have obviously lost control of the helm and it seems [Looking at Alex] that this young sailor here...may be the iceberg that sinks your Titanic!

Alex

[Giggles] Well that's very sweet of you to say, thank you!

Alex

[laughing with Harper] Tom Sawyer? That is such an obvious lie. It's the name from the Rush song.

Harper

[looks at Alex] And the classic book.

Alex

Wow, that song was good. I didn't know they made a book out of it.

Max

[comes home] I did it. I told Nancy the truth.

Jerry

We're proud of you Max.

Theresa

Isn't it easier telling the truth, honey?

Max

I'm so relieved that I told her I'm a wizard.

[do a spit take]

[look at Max] YOU WHAT?!?!

Theresa

Max! When I told you to tell the truth to Nancy I meant to her the truth about being a Russo, not about being a wizard!

Max

You wanted me to tell her the truth but not the whole truth? This truth thing is confusing, mom. To tell you the truth.

Alex

Yeah, I mean you tell the truth you get in trouble. You lie you get in trouble. We're probably just better off not talking to each other.

Jerry

What did Nancy say when you told her?

Max

She didn't believe me.

Jerry

Max, you really need to work on how you give information when you tell a story. I mean, if I had a ketchup bottle when you said you told her, I would have squeezed it and ketchup would have been flying everywhere.

Jerry

Harper please hand me the ketchup. [Harper gives Jerry the ketchup]

Max

But then I took her on a magic carpet ride and she totally believed me.

Jerry

Ahhh! (squeezes the ketchup bottle)

Theresa

[opens her mouth]

Alex

(talking through Justin's mind) Oh I see. In your mind they're losers and you're not.

Justin

Go away Alex! I hate it when you use magic to listen to my thoughts! (listens to a music player and turns the volume high)

Alex

(gets a headache)

Zeke

(thinking) So if our universe is actually on a speck of dust that speck of dust could be on another speck of dust! And another and another.

Alex

(speaking through Zeke's mind) This is going to take a lot of meddling.

Zeke

(stops thinking and gets scared) Hello? Who's there?

Alex

(smiles and covers her laugh)

Theresa

Riley, Dean and Mason?

Alex

Mom, I asked you never to say their names again.