Alex Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Alex

Grades are just a way of telling you how you’re doing in school; and I don’t think that’s anyone’s business.

Exactly, you get it. Because participating in grades gives the man permission to judge you. And nobody judges me! Until the 19th… when I audition for Oklahoma.

Zeke

Alex! There's something wrong with your brother. He keeps saying all this crazy stuff like he wants to look for America and that love can't exist without hate. What does that even mean?!

Alex

Zeke, maybe you should give this new Justin a chance; I mean, who knows? Maybe you'll actually like him.

[examining the fringe on his jacket] When cowboys used to get really, really hungry, they ate these things, right here.

Jerry

No, the other thing.

Chanting makes it important.

Jerry

No, the other thing.

[points at his jeans] I bought these jeans pre-ripped. [walks away]

Alex

It's fun, right?

[opens terrace door] Ah! Sunshine!

Alex

Justin, I'm so sorry! I never should've created that duplicate in the first place. I guess I was just scared that I wouldn't really have anyone to fight with when you went off to college.

Justin

We've had a lot of pretty good fights, huh? I think we've still got a few good ones left in us. What do you think?

Alex

I hope so.

Theresa

You guys are hilarious. Just say you love each other!

[simultaneously] No we don't! [move away from each other to opposite sides of the couch]

Justin

You didn't look, did you?

Alex

I looked around this general area. (waves her hands around the living room)

Justin

Wow.

Harper

(walking in the living room)

Justin

Maybe Harper can help.

Harper

(stops walking and turns to Alex and Justin)

(turn to Harper)

Harper

(runs downstairs)

(chase Harper)

Justin

What are you suppose to be?

Alex

I'm an evil queen.

Justin

What? There are no evil queens in Captain Jim Bob's World!

Alex

There's always an evil queen. Sometimes she's the head cheerleader, sometimes she's the fairytale stepmother, and sometimes, she's your sister.

Alex

(reading) "The Russo sisters Alex and Justine have taken over the reins with flair."

What? Did you just say Justine?

Alex

Wow. Sometimes I don't have to do anything and I still win.

Oh! I am writing a VERY strongly worded letter to the editor about that!

Alex

Yeah, good luck with that, sis.

Theresa

Uh, not so fast! You're not going anywhere, let alone Europe! Listen, you are still grounded for taking money from the cash register to buy that vending machine. And you are EXTRA grounded for sneaking out when you KNEW that you were grounded and you are EXTRA BONUS grounded for sneaking out into a magical alternate universe!

Alex

...You're right, Mom, I'm sorry. That was a dumb idea.

Theresa

Well, that's be...wait a minute. What part of it was a dumb idea?

Alex

All of it?

Theresa

Wow. That was easy.

Alex

Wait, hold on.

Holding on!

Alex

It is scary how right I am.

(screams)

Alex

Quick! Mirror Harper! Do something! I don't want to go back!

(throws something at the mirror and breaks it)

Jerry

(to Alex) Why is there a chicken on the terrace?

Alex

Uh well off the record, the chicken is gonna lay an egg that's gonna tell us who's gonna win the wizard competition. Now on the record, I don't- what chicken?

Max

Hey, magic chicken!

Jerry, your son's calling you.

Jerry

What? Oh, uh, right, uh, we do love our nicknames in this family, (to Alex) don't we, What Should We Do Now?

Alex

Yep, yep that's my nickname!

Justin

My nickname is, I'm Sorry Mom and Remember I'm the Good One Usually the Victim.

Kinda long isn't it?

Alex

Are you really going to make Max that stupid backpack shirt?

Harper

No! A backpack shirt would be embarrassing.

Alex

And that hat?

Harper

Oh don't start with me! Look I just wanted to get you into the lair. I can't stand to see Justin like this.

Alex

Well I can't stand to see Justin hardly at all, but I've gotten used to it and so should you because Juliet is not coming back.

Harper

Or is she?

Alex

No, she's not! Didn't you see her hobble off into the woods? I think Mason ate her.

Harper

Alright here's a thought. Justin needs to move on and if he can't hear it from us, maybe he needs to hear it from Juliet.

Alex

But he already did hear it from her. The old lady version of her.

Harper

Yeah but come on, who listens to old people? What if you made me look like Juliet and she told him?

Alex

Harper that doesn't sound like you want to help Justin, it sounds like you want to date him.

Harper

Oh that's not it. Why is it so hard to get you Russos to do something nice for each other?

Alex

Because when you help someone your guard is down and that's when another Russo will come right behind you and trip you!

Harper

(gives Alex a look)

Alex

Okay! Fine! I'll do it! But only because you're doing all the work. I'm just waving a wand. (waves her wand) Transfix, transpose. Make Harper look like Juliet from head to toe. (casts the spell and has a shocked look on her face)

Harper

(transforms into old Juliet) Eh? How do I look?

Alex

(lying) Great! You look great! (serious) Umm...this is a lot more work than I thought. Okay alright. (waves her wand) Transfix, transpose. Make Harper look like young Juliet including the clothes.

Harper

(transforms to young Juliet)

Alex

There you go. (throws her wand to the sofa)

Harper

Testing, testing. Ooh! I even have Juliet's voice! I pale in comparison to Harper Finkle. I've always wanted to hear her say that!

Alex

Okay now go walk around Waverly Place until you bump into Justin.

Harper

And I'll tell him to just move on from Juliet. We'll have a moment but that will be it. Oh, what should we do about the backpack shirt for Max?

Alex

I'll-I'll throw something together.

Harper

Just make sure it's not shoddy workmanship. It's Harper who's making that.

Alex

Don't push it blondie.

Harper

(leaves)

Harper

(voice over) When Alex turned me into Juliet I had good intentions. But then you started asking those questions and I panicked.

Alex

(hiding)

Justin

(to Max) Max, did you see Juliet go by?

Harper

(comes out from hiding)

Alex

Psst!

Harper

(goes to Alex)

Alex

What are you doing?! You're supposed to be with Justin.

Harper

I panicked.