Grace Adler quotes from Will & Grace

Grace

Will, you gotta help me. My dad's on the way up, and he wants me to drive to Schenectady with him.

Will

Oh, that's nice.

Grace

You know that's not "nice". Don't be that guy.

Will

Oh, how awful.

Grace

Awful? He's my father!

Will

Why don't you text me what you want me to say, and I'll read it back.

Will

Wow. If I could do that to myself, I could delete my Grindr account.

Karen

That was your First Lady trying to fix me up again.

Grace

Not sure we really trust her taste in men.

Karen

Like she had a choice.

Grace

I'm gonna get my boyfriend a Valentine's Day gift, because even if he doesn't believe in romance, I do.

That's sweet. When you say "boyfriend", you really mean "cat", right?

Will

It'll be nice to connect with your dad, and for you to bond with my mom...

Grace

I'm already close with your mom.

Will

You're listed in her phone as "Will's Jewish friend".

Sometimes, the things we do without thinking? They end up being the best things we ever do.

Grace

Really. Because I have a Bow-Flex and cargo pants that would say otherwise.

Grace

PostMates, EasyEats, GrubHub… it's the lazy, hungry person's Renaissance.

Karen

Oh, Grace, you're a couch-toilet away from all your dreams coming true.

Will

Hi. I did bring you flowers, but I had to give them to the woman next door when I walked in on her. I was guessing which room you were in. I guessed wrong.

Grace

Every woman loves flowers.

Will

I don't think she'll like the card about dust bunnies in her uterus.

Grace

I love how passionate you are about your team. I haven't seen you this excited about something since that Grey Goose truck crashed into that olive cart.

Karen

If it had been raining Vermouth, I would've believed in God.

Jack

Oh crap, Jerry Sussman's here. He used to be a catty audition accompanist, then he made it big, and now he's a big, huge pianist.

Grace

[smirks] Uh, what was that?

Jack

A big, huge, pian… OK, I just heard that, that's amazing!

Grace

Thank you so much for seeing me again, Headmistress Hinderhagen.

Of course.

Grace

I know how important diversity is to this school.

It is. And your child would be diverse, how exactly?

Grace

I'm just gonna bottom-line it: I don't know who the father is. So, girl to girl, tell me what diversity you're looking for, because I've probably slept with it.

Grace

Oh, my God - you don't want a designer, you want my baby!

Marilyn

Well, maybe if you don't over-react, they'll want both.

Grace

I am so, so sorry.

James

No, I'm sorry. I got angry with you, but you were right, it was just an accident. So, I'm here to say... can we try again?

Grace

[aghast] What? Are you out of your mind? I slept with your son and your father, and you forgave me. I pooped your apartment to death, and you forgave me. But now I violated a porpoise, got you fired, and ended a species!

James

And I forgive you.

Grace

What is wrong with you?

James

I think I'm falling for you!

Grace

Well, raise your standards, man! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I can't be with someone who has such terrible taste in women.

Karen

Honey, thank God you called!

Grace

Karen, what's wrong?

Karen

I don't know where I am! It's so dark. I think I hear a seagull, and a foghorn...

Will

Karen, hang on!

Will

We're going to trace this call.

Karen

Ha-ha, busted! Leave a message! [phone message beeps]

Grace

I fell for that yesterday.

Grace

Why would Phil go through all this? That's what I don't get.

Will

The money. They're always after the money.

Grace

Yeah, but he's so handsome, though. You'd think he could get money out of women without killing them. I mean, that body, after 40... I'd give him my debit card.

Jack

Once again, it's my mother's birthday, and I have no idea what to get her.

Grace

Just don't try to be cute. One year, I told my mother I was her gift, and she asked if I came with a receipt.

Jack

You thought that was cute?