Like the wolf-
RRex
She walks alone.
[howls]
RRex
Off-key!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
QQuartet
[singing] Hey hey, Tori Vega! Won't you be our very special-
NO!
QQuartet
[disappointed then go after Andre] Hey, hey, Andre Harris!
(off screen) NO!
(happy) Hey!
Whoa, somebody's all happy about something.
Yeah, it's making me sick.
Hey, um, is there a reason that girls don't wanna go out with me?
You mean, like, one reason that stands out over all the other reasons?
RRex
Ha!
(after a pause, aggravated) So why are you happy?
Because Ryder Daniels asked me out.
RRex
Ooh, he's hot! (they all stare at him) Stare all you want, I'm secure.
I don't trust that Ryder guy.
You just hate the idea of anything good happening for me.
That could not be more true. (pause) I'm just saying, any dude that hot and that perfect has to be hiding something.
So I guess you think Beck is hiding something.
Oh, he was until I found out.
Wha-what was I hiding?
That you were born in CANADA! [leaves]
[goes after her] It wasn't a secret!
Sorry. My butt's gotta breathe.
Did that bush just waddle? (opens the door and walks outside) ROBBIE SHAPIRO!
(from behind the bush) Yes?
You were invading my privacy!
Well at least I didn't snoop through Ryder's phone.
(in a "go away" tone) EAHHHHHHHHH!
Eahhhh! (leaves)
WHOA! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
RRyder
What?
Are you about to kiss me?
RRider
Yeah.
(cheerfully) Okay. (they do, and she leans on a button on her computer that sets off music) Sorry!
RRyder
It's cool.
Did I bite your lip?
RRyder
Little bit.
You must feel pretty stupid right now.
Okay, that's a time out.
No! I was just trying to-
Go sit on the steps! (she does)
So what do I do now?
Well, you're not still gonna sing a duet with that jerk, right?
Ugh. No way!
Good. So he'll fail.
Yeah, but I don't want to fail too!
So, what are you gonna sing?
(starts to come to her senses) A song...a really cool song that you're gonna help me write, tonight!
I can't!
You have to!
But I gotta- (the others all interrupt as he tries to speak) ALRIGHT! I'll just celebrate my 97-year old great grandpa's birthday with him next year. Possibly! (he walks up to the piano) Well, come on!
TSTori's Newest Status Update on TheSlap
Sometimes it's nice to forgive people. And other times, REVENGE ROCKS. FEELING: Feisty
AGAsian guy
So, congrats, man!
RRyder
On what?
AGAsian guy
I hear you're going out with Tori!
RRyder
Huh. Yeah, for like five more minutes! (hands him some peanut-like balls) Then you can have her.
AGAsian guy
Really? (follows him)
[on the song she's about to sing] Just listen. I think you'll hate it.
QQuartet
[to Ryder, after Tori sings] You just got burned.
Just tell us where the girl is.
I told you, I DON'T KNOW!
Okay, if you don't know, you don't know. [slaps Beck hard then grabs his shirt] NOW DO YOU KNOW?!
Hey, man! Get your partner off of me!
You better tell her what she wants to know. [licks a lollipop]
You got three seconds to talk.
I-I-I don't know. I-
(Cat slaps him again)
She's in my basement! [Cat lets go of him] She's in my basement. [gets on his knees and cries]
Boring.
[The students turns to Sikowitz]
That was boring?
[gets up] Yeah, it was all too predictable. There were no, [puts on a shocked face] AHH, surprises.
I enjoyed the slapping.
See, entertainment is so much more entertaining, when the characters do something the audience doesn't expect.
I don't get what you're trying to say here.
RRex
You've bewildered everybody.
[The students begin to talk all at once.]
All right, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Let's move on the something else. [Cat, Beck and Andre sit back down] Let's talk about our hopes and dreams. [points to Tori] Tori.
[points to Sikowitz] Sikowitz.
What's your biggest hope and/or dream? [smiles at her]
Uh...probably to be a pop star. A really successful singer.
[laughs insanely]
[laughs nervously with him] What?
Oh, well, maybe you could sing at weddings for the hearing impaired. [continues laughing]
[The students looks at Sikowitz in shock.]
Okay, this is the most fun class ever.
[sad] You really don't think I can make it as a singer?
Nope. HA! You see? You're all staring at me with rapt attention. Why? Because, as a teacher, you expect me to encourage my students not puke on their dreams. Right?
[The students agree]
Uh huh.
This is what I'm trying to explain. When characters do the unexpected- [falls suddenly] audiences pay attention.
Oh, I have a headache.
[The bell rings.]
That's lunchtime. Get out.
[The students get up and leave.]
RRex
Hey, Jade. That's a nice new sweater.
Thanks. It's made out of puppet hair.
RRex
Dang, woman.
Hey. Look at the new costume I made. Can you guess who I am?
No.
You're uh, Little Boy Poop.
Little Bo Peep. Alright, can I tell you guys how much I'm loving my new costume design class?
ABAndre and Beck
Uh...
And my teacher says I have a gift for knowing people's exact measurements.
Hey, peepolinis!!
I'm not with him.
[to Robbie] Hey, Robbie, do you want me to tell you what size pants you are?
I already know. They're a size four.
(Cat laughs)
Size four?
That's how they measure girls' pants.
What? Rex, you promised me these were boy jeans.
RRex
Heh heh heh. You've been Rexed.
Hey. Will you guys take a look at my headshot and resume?
Sure. Why?
Sikowitz got me an audition for a movie.
I don't care.
You look twelve in this pic.
Well that was the last time I was shot by a professional photographer.
My brother got shot by a clown.
Why?
Because my brother kept poking him and saying "What you gonna do about it, clown? Huh?" (pause) It happened on a bus.
(pulls out a coloring book and crayons) Cat, color the tiger.
Yay, crayons!
Well, now I have to find a professional photographer.
(Sinjin walks over)
Did someone say she needs a professional photographer?
Yeah, you know one?
Nope. (walks off again)
Yeah, I don't seem so weird anymore, do I?
RRex
What did you say, Girl Pants?
Alright, you gotta work on this resume.
Why, what's wrong with it?
You only have one play on there.
Well, that's all I've been in.
So? Just say you've acted in more stuff.
Lie?
Yes!
Well, it's not really lying...
RRex
It's exaggerating!
Did I mention the clown was my cousin Jesse?
[sternly] Color the pretty tiger.
So, back to my resume...
You gotta have more things under special skills.
Yeah, you put bike riding as a special skill. Who can't ride a bike?
RRex
Take a guess.
(puts hand over Rex's mouth) Can you keep any secret?
So what "special skills" should I add?
Gymnastics.
Martial arts.
Skydiving.
Flirtatious hair flipping.
Okay, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously!
Oh, and this doesn't seem familiar? [Imitating Tori] Why, hello, boys! My name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!
I talk NOTHING like that. (to the rest of the gang) Seriously, do I talk anything like that? (the others all imitate Tori at the same time. Tori puts a picture of herself in front of her face)
So I said ok.
Really? I had no idea you did stunt work.
I don't! I'm not a stunt double!
Then why'd you accept the job?
I don't know. Because I'm stupid?
I've been telling you people she's stupid, but did anyone believe me?
Alright, wait. Why did they even offer you a job as a stunt double?
Because of my resume? Under "special skills" I put gymnastics and karate, and that made them think I could do stunts.
See, you should never lie on your resume. (Tori gives her a dirty look) Well, that's not a pretty face.
Bye. Thank you, monkeys! WHOO!
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