Beck quotes from Victorious

Beck

K.

Jade

A.

Tori

A.

Beck

A.

Cat

H.

K.

Tori

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Cat, what'd you say?

Cat

When?

Tori

Just a second ago.

Cat

(pause) I said "when."

Tori

No, before that.

Cat

Oh, I said "H".

Tori

H?

Andre

H? Yes! (everybody runs to Cat)

Robbie

She's got it! She got the H!

Cat

(laughs) I feel so loved.

Beck

(enters) Hey.

Andre

Where's the ice cream?

Tori

Yeah. Didn't you get some more?

Beck

Nope. Check Ke$ha's last update. (Tori, Andre, Jade and Cat grab their phones)

Tori

(reads the update) "Congrats to the dude in Northridge who found all the letters and spelled out Ke$ha. Thanks for playing. Ke$ha later."

Andre

Contest over.

Jade

Great. I spent nine hours of my life violating pints of ice cream for nothing.

Robbie

Well I got stick beat by vicious mothers.

Tori

(sadly) I hate everything.

Cat

(stands up) Well... (goes to Tori) ...don't be sad.

Tori

I am sad, cause I didn't marry a prince and I don't live in a magic sugar castle, and now, we can't win the Ke$ha concert which means that I gotta keep being Trina's stupid assistant for 28 more days.

Cat

That's so sad.

Andre

Come on. It's okay. Maybe...maybe Trina will just forget about it.

Beck

C'mon!

Beck

We'll both ask her.

Tori

What's goin' on?

Beck

My aunt says we can't go to Cancun.

Tori

Aw, how come?

Beck

She found out I was bringing Jade.

Sikowitz

Hah!

Beck

So we hear some of you guys are going to Yerba?

Tori

Yes. Yes, we are. Would you like to go to Yerba with us, Beck?

Beck

That'd be great, thanks!

Tori

Jade, do you have a question for me?

Jade

(turns her head away, clearly humiliated) Can I come to Yerba?

Tori

Hmmm...maybe. But first...gotta give me a hug! (Jade hesitates) C'mon, c'mon. Just do it! (they hug) See, giving Tori a big ol' hug isn't such a bad thing. (Jade begins to squeeze tighter) Ok, that's really tight. (they fall to the ground) Oh, god, help me!

Beck

Our friend is hallucinating!

Tori

An escaped prisoner crashed through our window and was dragged out by Yerbian soldiers!

Cat

And our bed is lumpy.

Andre

Beck?

Beck

Yeah?

Andre

I'm kinda scared.

Beck

We'll be okay.

Andre

Yeah, but what if we don't get out of here? How are we supposed to- (notices some guys offscreen) ...What are those guys about to do?

Beck

I think they're gonna throw rocks at us. (he and Andre run off screen as the rocks are thrown and hit the wall)

Andre

(runs back on screen) HEY! WE TOLD YOU WE DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY ROCKS! (runs as two more are thrown at him)

Andre

We're gonna die!

Beck

Don't act scared.

Andre

I'm not acting. (the prisoners step closer)

(to Beck) YOU!

Beck

Me?

HOW YOU MAKE YOUR HAIR SO...FLUFFY?

TELL US!

Andre

Tell 'em, man! J-j-just tell 'em what they want to know!

Beck

Okay. Well, it all starts with a quality shampoo and conditioner.

Tori

Okay, well. I’m going home now. Forever.

Beck

No. You’re not leaving this school.

Jade

She has to. [Everyone stares at her] I mean, I feel really bad about it. Seriously, but you know. Bye.

Tori

[to Jade] I think I'll miss you least of all.

Andre

I wonder what they're text fighting about?

Tori

Let's ask 'em. Hey, you guys-

Beck

Stay out of it!

Jade

Back off!

Tori

(to Andre) I'd rather not get involved.

Andre

I think that's best.

Sikowitz

Tori. And, um... Elvis. Get up on the, uh... stage thing.

Tori

'Kay...

Beck

Sure. (they do)

Tori

Alright. What'cha uh, want us to do?

Sikowitz

Um...a scene. You both have the same line. "Life is pain." So, you just keep saying that to each other. Over and over. Do it, action.

Tori

Life is... pain.

Beck

(waves) Life is pain.

Sikowitz

It certainly is ding, there's the bell, class dismissed. (walks out the window and falls into the bushes)

Jade

Way to go, Tori. You broke Sikowitz!

Tori

I did not break Sikowitz. (Sikowitz can be heard moaning) I did not break Sikowitz-- (he moans again) I broke Sikowitz! (he moans a third time as she puts her hand on her head displeased)

Beck

Jade's not here yet?

Andre

Um, about Jade...

Beck

Yeah?

Andre

Look, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know if she's the right girl to sing my song.

Beck

Why not?

Andre

I dunno, I just...she scares me.

Beck

Jade scares you?

Andre

She scares everybody.

Jade

I am gonna kill him! (Andre backs off)

Beck

What happened?

Jade

Sinjin sat on my new scissors!

Beck

Ok, calm down-

Jade

I am not gonna calm down! They're bent! They've lost their sciss! (she throws them across the room and they stick to the wall)

Beck

(after a pause) You kids have fun.

Andre

We don't wanna wear these.

Cat

Why don't you guys like your costumes?

Beck

(looks down at his costume in disbelief) W-why?

Cat

They're candy jammies, they go perfect with our cupcake theme.

Robbie

Yeah, they do. I think they're rad cool.

Jade

(sarcastic) Yeah, they look adorable.

Tori

You know, she wants us all to wear them.

Jade

(turns to Cat) I will pop your head like a zit.

Cat

(holds her hands to her head) Graphic.

Cat

What street are we on?

Yeah, what street?

Beck

Let's just say... it ain't Sesame Street. (Oh, wait. That's in New York.)

Cat

I love Sesame Street. (starts singing) Sunny--

Jade

NO!

Sikowitz

Jade! You're Tori's Secret Santa, and that be that.

Jade

But why do I have to-

Beck

(very fast) He said he's not gonna change it, so just deal with it, why don't you just deal with it, why don't you just deal with it?!

Sikowitz

(puts his arms on Beck) His heart is vibrating. How much coffee have you drunk?

Beck

A lot, like, a lot. I don't know, like, maybe seven cups, a lot, is there a problem?

Beck

Mister Robbie Shapiro.

Robbie

Hey, Beck!

Beck

Let's talk Secret Santa.

Robbie

You're my Secret Santa?

Beck

Merry Christmas, Rob! (gestures behind him, and Christie comes out)

Robbie

You bought me a girl? (claps hands excitedly)

Beck

No, no. Remember you used to talk about that bully, the one that used to beat you up when you were seven?

Robbie

Yeah, Christie Vacaras. I hated that beefy little witch. Her and her mean face.

Beck

And you always say you'd kill for just one chance to tell her off?

Robbie

Yeah?

Beck

Robbie, Christie Vacaras.

Robbie

You found her? You're Christie?

So, you want to tell me off?

Robbie

Well...I did. But now you're hot!

Beck

Maybe you kids should go to Jet Brew and talk things over.

Robbie

I'm not paying three dollars for a cup of coffee. (Beck rolls his eyes and gives Robbie some money) Ooh, this'll buy coffee and scanes.

Beck

(correcting Robbie) Scones.

Robbie

Maybe in Canada.

Beck

Merry Christmas, Rob!

Your hand is sweaty.

Robbie

I know.

Cat

Hi, Secret Santa time!

Jade

(gestures to Beck) You mine or his?

Cat

Yours! For you!

Jade

(snatches gift) Give it!

Tori

Hey, guys, can I ask you-

Jade

Shut up! I'm opening a Christmas Present!

Tori

Grunch

Jade

Oh, my God, Cat, you did not.

Beck

Scissors?

Jade

They're special scissors!

Beck

Ok.

Cat

They're from a real movie!

Jade

I cannot believe you got me these.

Tori

What movie are they from?

Jade

"The Scissoring."

Tori

Wait, that one about the girl that comes back from the dead and uses a pair of scissors on her two best friends?

Beck

Yep.

Jade

(twirls scissors and looks at Tori) Starting with the pretty girl.

Tori

Oh. Um...anyways. You guys I'm Andre's Secret Santa, and I have like, no clue what to get him.

Cat

Just get him a present!

Beck

Oh my god...

Tori

(touches Cat's shoulder) Okay, help me, please! I don't want to give him the worst present, and then have to go Christmas yodeling with Sikowitz.

Jade

Two words.

Beck

I bet they won't be helpful.

Jade

Your problem.

Beck

I was right.