Veronica Mars · Season 3
And his role in this enterprise?
Consultant. I'm an ass expert.
Yes, except for the expert part.
I'm an ass? Who would you ask for advice about lions, a lion or a gerbil? Gerbil, you say? No, you would ask a lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions. So... Okay. I don't see how you hope to launch a website about hot asses without me, but fine. It's Friday night. If I walk long enough in a straight line, I'll hit a party.
So, are you surviving?
Surviving what?
Helping Piz. You know, his puppy dog eyes on you all the time.
It's weird. Like you said, normal Piz. Like nothing ever happened.
[amused] Which bothers you, because making out with you is supposed to be some life-changing experience.
I don't know. I just... Why are we talking about this?
I thought you liked these kind of conversations.
No.
I was hoping we could follow it up with a cuteness countdown of the Baldwin brothers.
I hope we're still friends after I Taser you.
[showing Mac how his term-paper website works.] For the dumb, billable links at the top, disguised as functions.
So they link without realizing.
And I make a dollar. See, the point of the Internet is to make money off of stupid people.
I like how you think, Max.
That sound you hear is my idealism quietly shattering.
That other sound you hear is my cynicism laughing at your idealism shattering.
Well, it won't be laughing when I crash your greedy little evil website.
I'll be laughing when you try.
Will you? Maybe I'm in your trusted-host table already.
Should I get a camera? There's gotta be someone out there that'd pay to see this hot nerd-on-nerd action.
You realize you're the radio-host version of a rock star, right? I don't know what the groupie procedure is for this scenario, but I might have to throw my panties at you.
Or I could autograph you. I believe we have some Sharpies lying around.
The world is upside down. Veronica Mars wants to believe in miracles, and I'm the cynical one.
Tell your roommate I came by hoping to kill time between classes getting to second base with someone, and then left unsatisfied.
He's a good guy, Veronica. Try not to rip out his heart.
[sighs] I have to, have to, have to go to my morning classes tomorrow. I'm getting lost in the "sex-nap-eat-repeat" loop. I'm in the porn version of Groundhog Day.
"Poundhog Day"?
You were just waiting for me to pull out books?
No, just browsing.
Building up on your South American culture? Conversational Portuguese perhaps? If you're going to be that close to Rio...
How did you know about my trip?
Parker mentioned it.
Did my fanclub meet today? I thought you guys only met on wednesdays?
[In an evening walk, Mac confides to Veronica her dismay about her relationship with Max.]
Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug. Kills more brain cells than crystal meth. How's your cell count these days?
Mmmm, I can still do long division, but I can't quite remember all the continents.
So, Pizneyland is the happiest place on Earth?
Happy enough. There's no rollercoaster, but I think I can do without the adrenaline and nausea.
I'm looking for detective Mars.
I'm detective Mars.
But you're just a girl. You're a teenager.
A girl, a teenager, and a private detective - I'm a triple threat. Barely fits on my business card.
I just hope Piz isn't planning on moping his way through the remainder of freshman year. It's not like I'm taking an internship at a Mister Softee in Wachoota. It's the FBI. The F. B. I.
At the very least, Piz should think it's hot.
Actually, he does think it's pretty hot. He'd just think it was hotter if I were doing it in Neptune.
He wants to date you and be near you? Greedy little bugger.
And if he didn't care, I'd probably be complaining about that...to my girlfriend...while waiting to pay for frozen yogurt. I'm a girl!
[A girl is being arrested a few feet in front of Veronica and Mac in line for lunch.]
She has the right to remained famished.
What?
Miss Mars uses Venus razor.
Because if she doesn't, her legs look like Pluto's.
And she's down-to-earth to boot.
I think I read in Teen People that a clean leg shave will make that special boy sit up and take notice.
I read in FHM that boys like bare breasts.
Interesting. I did not know that. Bare breasts, you say? Hm.
Hey, did anyone else hear there's gonna be a Matchbox 20 reunion show?
So? Rob Thomas is a whore.
Yeah.
Hey, you never told me what happened with your whole man crush thing.
Wallace has a man crush?
The man crush isn't me, is it?
Some guy following him around campus. Is it Piz?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
