Veronica Mars · Season 3
So, what's the protocol for a plane christening? I mean, does someone get to, like, smash the, uh, Sea Monkey with a miniature bottle of champagne?
The protocol? Pray to whatever god you believe in she flies. Otherwise, my ass is grass.
Orville Wright's exact words, if I recall.
I'm so nervous. This is totally knotting up my inner nerd.
Wait, you have an inner one?
I guess you're all asking yourself why I called this meeting. [pause] What? That's comedy gold
She knows about my dad's company.
And I know that Leon's cryptography research wasn't really stolen. Let's see one guy to steal the machine one guy to program it and everyone to point the finger at the ex-con maintenance guy and the injustice league strikes again
Who are you calling?
The surgeon general.
She's calling her dad, the sheriff.
Good call Jenny, see you're not just here for your looks.
Hang up please we can work this out you can be one of us.
Is this where you turn me into a vampire?
We can make it worth your while.
All right I'm listening.
So what is that maintenance guy paying you anyway?
Cash.
Don't turn us in can give you your very own Hearst ID.
Oh I have one, thanks.
This one is the everlasting gobstopper of spending money ,you'll never have to pay for another textbook, another ticket to a campus performance, another meal.
Assuming that I want to eat meals in the food court for the rest of my life, besides you're lying, you don't have the machine you left it in the locker next to Mr. Navarro's
There's a third one.
I've already programmed it.
The only reason we got busted is cause we used stupid aliases we get new cards, generic names and we don't get caught again.
You're a scholarship kid right.
Yeah its gotta be really tough paying for all those meals and textbooks.
It is which is why a bunch of kids who can afford to ski in Aspen getting their kicks by ripping off my school and blaming it on the nearest kid from the wrong side of the tracks pisses me off so much.
You think that ski picture is proof, that doesn't prove anything.
But this conversation does.
[begins to play a recording of the conversation on her phone]
I wont bore you with the rest but I'll bet it means jail time, or if you'd prefer you can go throw yourselves at the mercy of the campus police I'm sure they'll be more merciful than my dad, especially after he finds that third machine in one of your dorm rooms.
Like we keep it in a dorm room.
If I don't hear by tomorrow that the charges against my client have been dropped by tomorrow afternoon I'm taking everything I've got to the finest sheriff's department in Balboa county. And try to keep it down in here, okay, it's a library.
Dick? Get out here.
What's up, V?
If you had to bet?
Look, from a guy's perspective, the video just made your stock go up. You looked great. Enthusiasm -- always a plus--
It's like you're this giant jackass piñata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you. Where'd you get the video?
Someone e-mailed it to me.
Who? Get your computer.
I probably deleted--
After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.
I-it's a nice day. Let's go eat outside. Veronica? Come on.
Looks even more familiar from behind.
I promise you, karma's going to take care of that guy for you.
I know. I'm gonna run him over with my "karma."
Chip a moment of your time.
I'm kinda in the middle of something.
It's a cluster of morons, don't worry they'll let you back in.
You know what I like about you, you got spirit.
I want to talk to you.
That's what you're doing.
Could you put your head up your ass before they stuck the egg in there or is this new?
What do you want.
Who sent you the video.
Don't know, don't care.
You dont care now, but holy crap are you gonna care when I start to get my revenge on, you'll be doin' all sorts of caring.
Domonick?
Yeah.
Where'd you get the video of me
I don't know what you're talking about.
Your pubescent snickering tells me differently.
Someone sent it to me.
You should tell me who, or I can assume it originated from you.
You can assume whatever position you like
I'm thinking chokehold you gasping for your last breath.
Shh sweetheart, sweetheart you are so much hotter with the sound off.
You'll really be better off giving me that name.
Yeah well I guess I need to quiver in fear now so see ya.
Okay then.
Let me explain something, Veronica. I own the most powerful personal computer on campus. There is no personal computer faster or better than mine at Hearst. And using this incredible computer of mine, it will take twenty years to crack Jake Kane's password on this hard drive.
So how do we do it?
You're like Kirk in Wrath of Khan. You refuse to believe in the no-win scenario.
You're like one of the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds with your Star Trek references.
If you have proof that I'm involved in some way, maybe you should get a lawyer. If you don't, maybe you should just stay and have a drink.
Yeah. I'm definitely gonna need a drink. Perhaps twelve. I don't know, how many does it usually take for a girl to find you not gross?
Hey, Nish. I've got a present for you.
You're transferring?
A list. The names of every member of the Castle. All men. You think this will help with that lawsuit?
Oh, my God. Politicians. Tycoons. Celebrities. This is gold. You're gonna make some very powerful men very unhappy.
Won't be the first time.
(to Keith) And you thought a photo of you in your boxers would hurt your lead in the polls?
You know, you're adorable when you surveil.
You forwarded it to your whole address book?
It was instinct. I always forward porn when it's good.
You are going to be so popular in Hell.
(to Dick) After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.
(to Dick) It's like you're this giant jackass piñata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
