[Veronica drags Luke into the bathroom.]
We need to talk.
LLuke
All right, well does it have to be next to the feminine hygiene machine?
S1You Think You Know Somebody
I obviously know nothing about relationships.
But you can bake, and that's important.
S1Return of the Kane
Thanks, Dad. You know, I polled the rest of the soccer team. None of them want to see my junk.
JJake
Well, now you're covered.
Tough day?
[imitating Phillip Marlowe] That ain't the half of it. See, this dame walks in, and you should've seen the getaway sticks on her. Says something's hinky with her old man.
[imitating Marlowe] Did ya put the screws to him?
You ain't kiddin', he sang like a canary.
[normal voice] You're in luck, Phillip Marlowe, because it's dessert for dinner night, and I've got a sundae thing set up here.
[normal voice] If child services finds out about this, they will take you away.
Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take.
Honey, shouldn't we try something at the base of the food pyramid? You know - fruits and vegetables.
[gasps] What is that? A maraschino cherry?
Check you out, Veronica Mars. You're like a rocker chick now. You and I, we'd have a lot of fun together. Yeah, if, um, if I wasn't dead and stuff.
Why are you here?
Don't you watch any horror movies? My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served.
Really?
Yeah, that, and as kinda a side project, I dispense fashion advice.
DMs. Dent
Good morning, Veronica. I was thinking maybe you'd be interested in covering the election for the student newspaper.
Sure, I'll write it up this afternoon.
DMs. Dent
The election's tomorrow.
And I can already see the headline: "Brown-Nosing Resumé Packer Wins in a Landslide."
S1The Girl Next Door
Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
"Anthropomorphic." All yours, big guy.
Oh. [fake laugh] Your father has generously offered to donate a pair of boots for our school fundraising auction.
Not the ones made for walking? God, I love those boots.
They teach you manners in ESL?
If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?
If you "was gonna"?
DMr. Daniels
Ah, alas, you both get zeroes. No talking during tests.
I guess Mrs. Daniels ain't giving it up at home, huh?
DMr. Daniels
You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?
[sarcastically] Please say "high school English teacher." Please...say "high school English teacher." [Weevil snickers]
DMr. Daniels
Mr. Navarro. I wonder if you'll find Mr. Echolls so amusing ten years from now - when you're pumping his gas.
DMr Daniels
This is punishment, gentlemen, not party time.
Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.
Did you hear something last night?
What kind of something?
Like a loud thump from upstairs.
I don't know. But you know me, I can sleep through an earthquake. Why?
I don't know. It sounded like a falling body. It really freaked me out.
A falling body?
Yes, a falling body.
Would you describe the sound as "Hitchcockian"?
I'm glad you're able to entertain yourself.
Oh, sweetie, don't sell yourself short. I find you completely entertaining.
Sometimes the girls get put off by this old motorcycle jacket thing. Do you think something in suede might make me seem more... accessible?
Think I've got a future in the biz?
I think you've got a future as a highly paid Ivy League-educated executive of some sort who never thinks about private investigation again in her perfect life. Now... let's do something normal fathers and daughters do.
Buy me a pony?
I was thinking I'd watch TV and you'd rub my feet.
Hmm. Yeah, that's normal.
S1Like a Virgin
Veronica? Did you find your clothes? [looks down at the toilet to see Veronica's clothes almost flushed]
Well, does this towel make me look fat?
You need something to wear? [they walk out of school with Veronica wearing a cheerleading uniform] I usually have sweats in my locker. Sorry.
No, this is perfect. I just have to resist the urge to do a cartwheel.
Is there any way to convert cyphertext to plaintext without initial knowledge of the cryptoalgorithms?
CTComputer Teacher
Excuse me?
I'm trying to figure out how someone could have overridden the control framework on the school server in order to access everyone's password. Can you help me?
CTComputer Teacher
Yeah... uh, in real life... I'm actually a gym teacher.
You ready to put the hurt on that Pythagorean theorem?
You don't even want to mess with me on that today. I just about merked my mom's crazy, no-rent-paying tenant this afternoon.
That guy's sleazy, so I hope merked means something bad. You know, my dad's still got that sheriff sheen. He's great at scaring people away.
No, I got it covered. [Keith enters the room]
Seriously, you should talk to him.
Am I giving you the birds and bees again, Wallace?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.