Archibald Asparagus quotes from VeggieTales

Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... [with a fake Russian accent] Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! [Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg] Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! [Commander Boblov arrives] Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery.

Bob

Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry?

Larry

Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales.

Bob

[incredulously] There are no icebergs around here.

Larry

Oh, yeah? Well, what do you call that?

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers.

Archibald Asparagus

Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident.

Bob

Yes, we most certainly had an accident, [angrily turns to Larry] and I think someone has some explaining to do.

Larry

Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs.

It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking?

Bob

You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?

You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?

Larry

Um... I'm sorry? [brightly] At least the boat's still floating. [The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily] Oh.

Archibald

[annoyed] Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone.

That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry.

Archibald

I wonder where the skipper is.

Who?

Archibald

You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow.

Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway?

Archibald

I don't know. That's what I was wondering.

Oh, I see.

Bob

Has anyone seen Larry?

Archibald

Did you say something?

No, it was that tree over there.

Archibald

Really? Well, what did it say?

I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry?

Archibald

Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat.

Oh, and ruined our vacation?

Archibald

That's the one.

Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right.

Archibald

Here, here.

Bob

Hello! People! Have you seen Larry?

Archibald

Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper!

I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees.

Archibald

Well, actually... Oh, never mind. [to Bob] Skipper, what are you doing up there?!

Bob

I'm looking for Larry! When I woke up this morning, he was gone!

Jimmy

Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on?

Archibald

I'll tell you what's going on! Perhaps this will clear things up... [Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he selects his song: "His Cheeseburger" from "Madame Blueberry"]

Larry

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Jimmy

[gasps] You don't mean...?

Archibald

Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame!

Jimmy

That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away.

Archibald

It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. [Jimmy glares] Yes, I see. But then I got these! [pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads] "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return Silly Songs with Larry to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake."

Larry

Moose Lake?

Archibald

Yes, Moose Lake.

Larry

Wow... Moose Lake.

But soft, 'tis Ophelia. [no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis] But soft! Tis Ophelia!

Mr. Lunt

[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress] But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing!

Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! [shoves Lunt out onto the stage]

Mr. Lunt

I think we're gonna get letters about this... [in character] 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia.

And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings-

Archibald

Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking! [Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches] Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you.

Larry

So what are you saying?

Archibald

I'm saying that Silly Songs is cancelled until further notice.

Larry

[blinks in disbelief] Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap?

Archibald

I'm sure you'll figure something out.

And now it's time for Love Songs with Mr. Lunt, the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song.