[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]
Jean-ClaudeHello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
CChristophe
Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers.
Jean-Claude
Yes, and iron our trousers!
CChristophe
Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses.
Jean-Claude
Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! [no response from the Israelites] Don't you have anything to say?
Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken.
Jean-Claude
[to Christophe] This is going to be easier than we thought.
GGoliath
Who will fight me?!
DDave
I will fight you, Goliath!
[to Tom and Jerry] You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave!
[laughs] Well, yeah! [spots Dave running out onto the battlefield] You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that looks like Dave!
DSDave's Brothers
[shocked] Huh?! [Dave smiles at his brothers] DAVE?! [Jimmy faints]
[narrating] Goliath was equally surprised.
DDave
[clears throat] I did!
GGoliath
Huh? [sees Dave] Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks?
[Philistines laugh]
DDave
I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you!
GGoliath
We will see who defeats who! Now we fight!
Jean-Claude
It's showtime!
Now, kids, we're gonna sing along with one of my favorite songs, "The Bunny Song".
Jean-Claude
[offscreen] Monsieur Bob, we're not supposed to sing ze bunny song!
Oh-ho-ho! Thank you for pointing that out, Jean-Claude. But this is the new and improved "Bunny Song". This is the one we're supposed to sing.
Jean-Claude
[offscreen] I see.
[The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall]
JJosh (Larry the Cucumber)
Who are you?
Jean-Claude
Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are you?
JJosh
Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel.
PPhilippe
Ooh! Hello, children!
PPhilippe
It was nice to meet you. Now go away!
Jean-Claude
Yes! [blows raspberry]
JJosh
[clears throat] No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... you're gonna have to leave.
PPhilippe
[laughs] Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says we have to leave!
Jean-Claude
[laughs] That is hilarious! [clears throat] Let me point something out to you, pickle. We have a wall!
Jean-Claude
You do not!
Jean-Claude
If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be you!
PPhilippe
Oh, that is right!
JJosh
Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you!
[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.]
Jean-Claude
I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, [under breath] tiny pickle!
PPhilippe
Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin!
JJosh
[feeling insulted] I'm a cucumber!
[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh]
PPhilippe
[bumps his slushie off the edge] Ooh! My slushie!
[The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled]
[frustrated] Maybe we should fall back and regroup.
The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had.
Jean-Claude
Fire one! Fire two!
But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. ["When the Saints Go Marching In" playing] And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled.
IIsraelites
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
[The Israelites look up at the wall as it's still standing. The soldiers laugh at their enemies' seemingly futile attempts to destroy their wall, when suddenly, a brick jumps out of its place. This silences their laughter. As they turn to see the brick, a low rumbling is heard. The rumbling sound gets louder as the ground starts to quake.]
FPFrench Peas
[looking look at each other for two seconds and realize their wall is collapsing.] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
[Joshua and the Israelites back away from the wall as it starts to collapse. The huge gong bell falls off along with the tower with a loud bang noise. As the walls collapse, a huge dust storm blows as the Israelites shut their eyes tight. Eventually, the dust clears and the Israelites are all covered in dust. Jericho has been reduced to bricks, broken pillars and a single bathtub. The dust covered soldiers are somehow unharmed.]
Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land!
FPFrench Peas
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! [They finally surrender and run away from Joshua and their destroyed fortress in fright]
So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down.
Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home.
[has dust in his eye] Ow! Hey! Oh, yeah. Oh… Ow! Ow! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts!
[first lines; Bob is on the countertops]
Hi, kids! I'm Bob the Tomato, and welcome to-- [horn honks, the Jeep passes by him on the right] Uh, I'm Bob the Tomato, and welcome to-- [The Jeep passes by him again on the left] Larry, what are you doing? Come over here!
[offscreen] I'll be right there!
[Larry screeches his Jeep into the countertops.]
It's my new Suzy Action Jeep. I've been wanting it just forever, and now it's finally mine!
Wow! You must be pretty happy to get a cool toy like that.
[hops out of his Jeep] Well, there's just one more thing I need to be really happy.
The Suzy Action Camper. You just hook it up to the trailer hitch on my action Jeep and I'll be ready for a weekend of wilderness fun.
Oh, so once you get the camper, then you'll be happy?
I don't know. There's also the dirt bike.
And the action hang glider.
Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy?
I don't know. How much stuff is there?
Heh-heh. Maybe this would be a good topic for today's show.
Jean-Claude
[offscreen] Hold that thought, tomato!
Huh? [The French Peas enters the countertops] Hey! It's the French Peas. Hi, Jean-Claude. Hello, Phillipe.
Jean-Claude
Hello!
PPhillipe
Hello, monsieur Bob. I think we can help.
Jean-Claude
Oui! Tell me, Tomato, where do French Peas come from?
Jean-Claude
That's right, and in France, we have a story that I think will answer your question. It's called "Madame Blueberry."
"Madame Blueberry?" I think I've seen that one. Doesn't it have Jerry Lewis in it?
Jean-Claude
No, be quiet and watch the film.
[After "Madame Blueberry" ended; Bob and Larry are crying on the countertops]
Jean Claude
[offscreen] Pull yourselves together!
PPhillipe
[offscreen] Yes, you have a show to wrap up!
Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?
[sniffling] Madame Blueberry..!
Jean Claude
All right! That does it! [he and Phillipe] Cue the music!
PPhillipe
Unless, of course, you have any objections...
No... I don't care... go ahead...
VeggieTales · 158 quotes
