Dad Asparagus quotes from VeggieTales

[after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault"] Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away.

Junior! It's time for bed!

Junior Asparagus

Just four more minutes.

That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs. Your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you.

Bob

Hey, QWERTY, can you help us? [QWERTY nods] We need to know how many times we're supposed to forgive people, according to the Bible. Maybe um, seven times? [QWERTY shows a light bulb for idea, then pulls a verse] Matthew 18:22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven."

Larry

Oh! 70 × 7.

Bob

70 × 7. I see.

Larry

Um, do you know what 70 × 7 is?

Bob

Nope, how about you?

Larry

Nope.

Bob

Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is?

Nine?

Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy!

Tom

Was it two? Or maybe... Seven?

490!

Ooh!

Now, that's one smart grape.

Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... [with a fake Russian accent] Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! [Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg] Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! [Commander Boblov arrives] Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery.

Bob

Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry?

Larry

Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales.

Bob

[incredulously] There are no icebergs around here.

Larry

Oh, yeah? Well, what do you call that?

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers.

Archibald Asparagus

Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident.

Bob

Yes, we most certainly had an accident, [angrily turns to Larry] and I think someone has some explaining to do.

Larry

Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs.

It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking?

Bob

You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?

You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?

Larry

Um... I'm sorry? [brightly] At least the boat's still floating. [The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily] Oh.

Archibald

[annoyed] Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone.

That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry.

Mr. Nezzer

One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now?

We're right here!

Mr. Nezzer

Huh? [turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back]

We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer!

That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve!

Mr. Nezzer

Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do?

Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas!

Mr. Nezzer

Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute!

Junior

Dad, I'm really sorry about your plate.

Oh, Junior, I'm sure it was an accident. I just wish you would have told me right away.

Junior

I thought you'd be really mad at me.

Junior, you're much more important to me than any old bowling plate.

Junior

I guess I should be punished, huh?

I think what you've been through today was punishment enough. What do you think?

I think you're right. Let's just make sure that from now on we get the true story. The first time.

Aw, doesn't it just warm your heart? and it's because of one man, one plunger-headed hero always ready when Bumblyburg needs him- [looks back up to see LarryBoy missing] LarryBoy? [The veggies starts to leave.] Woop. There he goes again.