Yeah... Vermont and Connecticut, yup, they're for us.
Yeah, Vermont! Yeah, Connecticut!
Okay, settle down. A bowl of hair could win those states.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Oh, Gary! I asked a friend to come and be with me tonight.
How nice!
Yeah, Karen.
Fuck!
What happens when there's— when there's a tie?
Everybody goes online to try to find out what happens when we get a tie.
Jesus Christ, you know? You do your best, you try to serve the people, and then they just fuck you over.
Yep.
And you know why? Because they're ignorant, and they're dumb as shit. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is democracy. Goddammit.
Where's Tom?
KKaren
Oh, uh, he's gone to talk to the crowd at the rally.
What?
The fuck he has!
Why would you let him do that?
KKaren
Well you don't work here.
Neither do you!
Alright. Fuck all of you, I'm going to the rally.
[everyone starts to protest]
Ma'am, that would be unprecedented.
No, I'll tell you what's unprecedented, Kent: a tie is unprecedented! So's becoming the first lady president! So's that jack-off becoming president through the back-door! Okay, the rulebook's been torn up now, AND AMERICA IS WIPING ITS NASTY ASS WITH IT!!!
[about Tom James] That fucking guy, with his fucking charm, and his fucking son, in his fucking wheelchair, with his spine all fucked up!
The three Ss, ma'am, strength, stability and bullshit.
Didn't those Founding Fuckers ever hear of an odd number?!
Two great Greek contributions to society: democracy and getting fucked up the ass.
I've tried both and they're way overrated, like jazz.
Honey, it's Yemen. Life gives you Yemen, you got to make Yemen-ade.
Wendy and I are adopting a baby from China. Actually, Wendy was keeping it a secret from me until today because I'm so bad at keeping secrets. But I'm gonna be a Dad!
You're a nincompoop. We are in the middle of a tied election. there's no time for some Chinese baby.
Fortune cookie say you fuck up big time, round eye.
Ma'am, I have the final House results.
Lafontaine won?
Mm-hmm.
How many abortions does a pro-lifer have to pressure his mistress into before the people turn on him?
Three.
And every day, you have to do the one thing that O'Brien can't do.
Yeah, drive sober.
Take a shit without getting a hernia.
Be the president!
There's only one person who I'd be more surprised to see today in the Roosevelt Room, and that's Teddy fucking Roosevelt.
I'm just trying to help the President.
And she appreciates that, but the US Attorney for the District of Columbia is prepared to indict you. You're as welcome here as a swastika-shaped shit in a synagogue.
Of course.
I've spoken to the president, and she's willing to consider a full pardon, if you surrender quietly. No media. Just don't want to dominate the news cycle.
Can I just say one thing?
Yes, goodbye.
These are from the president's last set of precinct changes for the recount challenge?
Yes, and the changes before that and the changes before that. She's changed her mind more times than a frickin' child molester at Disneyland.
I mean, will you look at Montez? Seriously, I'm more Hispanic than she is. You know? Where's she from, Santo Connecticut?
She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veep pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.