Pete quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Berg

Who poured you a double mocha of grumpy this morning, huh?

Pete

I'm not grumpy! It's just I spent all night on this, I've got a test in structures, we have to be at work at three and... I'm breaking up with Melissa today.

Berg

Oh, boy! We have to be at work at three?

Pete

China's taking back the lease on Hong Kong.

Berg

Really? I never knew the Chinese were leasing.

Pete

Alright, you can't tell anyone.

Berg

As soon as you tell me, I'm chopping off my tongue.

Pete

I got everything planned out. Okay, the blue cards: why it's best for her, the yellows: why we should still stay friends, and the pinks: things to say when she starts to cry.

Berg

You know, this behavior reflects badly on both of us.

Pete

I can't do this with you guys leering.

Berg

I always leer. She'd be suspicious if I weren't leering. She'd be like, "Why isn't Berg leering?" 'Berg Leering'. Isn't that a type of Merlot? Maybe it's a Cabernet. (into voice recorder) 3.10: starting to babble.

Mr. Bauer

The shark's coming right at me and I only have one bullet left! I think, huh, I'm a goner! Then I see the oxygen tank in its mouth, what do you think I do?

Pete

You shot the tank and the shark blew up(!)

Mr. Bauer

I shot the tank! And the shark blew up!

Melissa

You're a brave man, Mr. Bauer.

Pete

Then, you and Richard Dreyfuss swam back to shore! Thanks a lot, Mr. Bauer.

Mr. Bauer

(laughing) Yeah, that was a hell of a day!

Melissa

Hey, Berg, what have you done to him?

Berg

Hey, this wasn't me, cause I'm the one who said he shouldn't break up with you!

Pete

No!

Melissa

I don't believe you!

Pete

No, I wasn't! He's evil!

Melissa

He may be evil, but at least he's honest!

Pete

I don't believe it, she broke up with me! I just got dumped.

Bill

Hee hee, boy did you ever! And in front of everybody, too!

Sharon

Jeez, you two fight like a couple of broads! Kick his ass, Pete!

Pete

I can't, he's wearing my shirt.

Berg

I did a bad thing.

Pete

Who, Berg? Who did you do a bad thing to?

Berg

That's why you have me.

Pete

Are you gonna have my children?

Berg

There is an experiment at M.I.T. next week.

Pete

Hey, Berg, what do you think's gonna happen to Sharon?

Berg

I'm sure she'll settle down, have kids--

Sharon

(banging on window) Get your butts back in here!

Berg

(fondly) --take over Cuba!

Berg

Med-School is all about love and toys.

Pete

As long as you're in it for the right reasons.

Pete

What are you doing? I thought you were studying.

Berg

I am.

Pete

You're watching General Hospital!

Berg

Pete, I gotta tell you--

Pete

No, don't tell me now, I'm busy.

Berg

Busy? The cat's in the cradle, Pete. Before you know it I'll be all grown up.