Pete quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Ashley

You are so funny, is it the celibacy?

Pete

That's nice. You know I take great comfort in the fact that there is a team of Japanese scientists working around the clock to destroy you.

Ashley

Hey, what's going on?

Pete

I don't know, I said your name and the stove just burst into flames!

Ashley

I came down to change your bandages.

Pete

Why, do they need changing?

Ashley

No I just need cheering up.

Pete

(To Berg) We're having a surprise housewarming party for Johnny and Sharon.

Germ

I don't have the address.

Pete

Well, meet me at the party and I'll give it to you there.

Irene

Pete Dunville, I'm breaking up with you

Pete

I can honestly say I didn't see this coming

Pete

I don't think I'll be good company tonight.

Irene

You could be bound and gagged and you'd make good company.

Pete

You're picturing that right now, aren't you?

Pete

Oh what the hell, I've nothing better to do

Irene

Oh Pete, you know how to say all the right things!

Berg

What's that?

Pete

Well, at first look it's a date plaque, but since there's no such thing it is a piece of wood screaming "Danger! Danger!"

Irene

How could you do this to Berg?

Pete

If anyone, I thought you would understand.

Irene

Well you thought wrong Batman, the boy wonder’s got his cape all in a bunch

Pete

Irene, can’t we talk about this later, Commissioner Gordon just sent out the bat signal.

Ashley

Pete if you were anyone else I'd think you were coming on to me.

Pete

If you were anyone else maybe I would be.

Berg

I told Irene that I love her.

Pete

Really? Wow! I'm shocked! I mean I'm happy for you...no, not yet, I'm still shocked.

Pete

I hate romantic comedies.

Ashley

Why? Your whole love life is a joke.

Pete

You said wear black.

Sharon

I said wear something that blends in.

Pete

This does blend, I am the night!

Ashley

Would you do me a favor?

Pete

Yeah sure, you bend over and I'll pull out the stick.

Ashley

I need to talk to you.

Pete

Can't you come back when I'm not here?