Berg quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Mr. Bauer

You know, I was in love once. We shared a flat in France. Then the war came, all hell broke loose. Somehow I found myself in Morocco running a nightclub and she walked back into my life. But by then she was married. Don't do what I did, son. Don't let her get on that plane!

Berg

It's okay, Mr. Bauer. You'll always have Paris.

Berg

I did a bad thing.

Pete

Who, Berg? Who did you do a bad thing to?

Berg

That's why you have me.

Pete

Are you gonna have my children?

Berg

There is an experiment at M.I.T. next week.

Pete

Hey, Berg, what do you think's gonna happen to Sharon?

Berg

I'm sure she'll settle down, have kids--

Sharon

(banging on window) Get your butts back in here!

Berg

(fondly) --take over Cuba!

Berg

Med-School is all about love and toys.

Pete

As long as you're in it for the right reasons.

Pete

What are you doing? I thought you were studying.

Berg

I am.

Pete

You're watching General Hospital!

Berg

(interrupting Sharon yelling at him) Hold that thought, I may have poisoned Pete.

Sharon

Man, that is so unfair! On the one day I could really hate you, Pete steals my thunder!

Berg

Don't be mad at Pete!

Berg

Pete, I gotta tell you--

Pete

No, don't tell me now, I'm busy.

Berg

Busy? The cat's in the cradle, Pete. Before you know it I'll be all grown up.

Pete

Most architects, when they graduate they only have a bunch of blueprints. I am going to have a 12,000 square-foot resume.

Berg

Man! You're gonna need one hell of a manila envelope.

Berg

Socrates, meet Guy With Removable Brain! Removable Brain, meet Pete!

Pete

Nice haircut!

Berg

You have an ethical duty to tell the truth.

Pete

Sharon, you work for a chemical company - you have no ethics!

Berg

Mr. Dunville has accidentally ingested a medication which is causing the delusional behaviour you're witnessing.

Pete

I don't even know this guy, but look at the excitement that the Jack-in-the-Box is causing! It's infectious!

Berg

You drank my alergesic medication. You're sweating, you're stammering, you're delusional!

Pete

You don't know what I'm talking about, Berg, I'm just a little nervous.

Berg

Oh yeah? Then what kind of museum has a huge... Jack-in-the-Box? And stupid voices going, "Ha-ha! Hello, Boys and Girls!"

Pete

A Children's Museum?

Berg

...what?

Pete

This is for a Children's Museum, Berg.

Berg

Ohh!

Berg

So, I'm the one who's delusional!

Thank God(!) I thought it was me(!)

Berg

(Makes Star Trek noises into voice recorder and does Captain Kirk impression) Captain's Log, Stardate 644.1: The... Klingons have surrounded us and are attempting to board the Enterprise. Kirk Out. (To panel) Mr. Sulu, take us to Warp Factor 8. Chekov! Nice dress.

Sharon

Berg!

Berg

Klingons! (To Pete) Bones!

Pete

Idiot!

Sharon

Berg, get out here, right now!

Berg

Scotty! Beam. Me. Up. Now! (To room) Wait here! I'll send help.