Berg quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Berg

It’s ludicrous because Sharon only loves Pete as a friend.

Ashley

And what’s a better basis for a marriage than love and friendship?

Berg

Sex! Money! An alliance between kingdoms!

Ashley

We were in a restaurant, he got down on one knee and said “Ashley will you marry me?” And I said yes.

Berg

So what, you changed your mind before the wedding?

Ashley

No.

Berg

Um Ashley, if this story doesn’t end tragically I’m going to be very upset.

Berg

You’re going to propose?

Johnny

Yeah.

Berg

Do you know all her family lost their money?

Johnny

I don’t care.

Berg

Is she pregnant? Are you an illegal alien? Do you need a kidney?

Johnny

I love her.

Berg

Congratulations! Her family is loaded!

Berg

Sharon is our best friend, if we find out your cheating on her we’ll kick your ass!

Johnny

You two are going to kick my ass?

Pete

We have friends.

Dr. Peel

Sorry, surnames A to F are with Dr. Gordon.

Berg

Please, you can't make me go back there, the man is dead and no-one has notified him!

Pete

Ashley patched it up for me.

Dr. Peel

Seems like a good job, Dr. Walker, although maybe a little tight. Dr. Bergen, why should you not bandage the wound too tightly?

Berg

Well the medical reason is that the wound needs some air to heal...but the real reason is that Dr. Walker doesn't like Pete.

Dr. Bergen report to the OR.

Berg

If you'll excuse me, I have lives to save.

And bring a mop.

Dr. Peel

Dr. Bergen, can you help the nurses with the filing?

Berg

But, you don't have any of the other residents do that.

Dr. Peel

No, you're right, you'll be the first, maybe we'll put up a plaque!

Sharon

Berg, you work at a hospital. You couldn't have gotten real eyeballs?

Berg

Well, I tried, but a blind kid beat me to 'em.

Sharon

Quick! Do something!

Berg

What?

Sharon

Throw Pete through the window!

Pete

Don't beat yourself up, Ashley will get over you.

Berg

Oh I don't know... I'm pretty special.

Berg

Did you see that guy hogging the spotlight?

Pete

I know, it just sickens me when a sports hero takes time out of his busy schedule to raise money for kids.

Sharon

Everything has to go.

Berg

But what if butt ugly comes back into style?

Sharon

Ashley has a new boyfriend?

Berg

Who is he?

Irene

I don't know.

Berg

Ah, well here is one of Pete's socks for your trouble.

Ashley

(kissing Irene's cat) he's just a little cutie!

Irene

Oh, thank you!

Ashley

Oh, you're just a little cutie (kissing Irene too)

Berg

Oh, and she's just a little creepy!