Berg quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Berg

Pete, what are you doing here?

Pete

I just had a physical.

Ashley

So I was wrong you could pay someone to touch you.

Pete

I’m going to be a fireman.

Berg

Well, I’d love to stay and talk to you about it some more but I have to get ready for astronaut school.

Ashley

My thumb is killing me from giving all those injections.

Berg

Yeah I don’t know how those junkies do it.

Berg

Do you remember what he wrote on your anniversary card? 'Happy anniversary. It's been cool getting to know you. You're really cool. Stay cool. Johnny.'

Pete

And he wrote that in only two days.

Pete

My grandma always says the harder the choice the sweeter the rewards.

Berg

She also says that Winston Churchill shovelled her driveway.

Pete

You can't prove he didn't

Ashley

Where's your idiot roommate?

Berg

The village recalled him.

Irene

All evidence of our misguided tryst must be destroyed

Berg

You’re not going to kill me, are you Irene?

Irene

Don’t be silly, would I tell you if I was?

Irene

Good morning.

Berg

Good morning.

Irene

You want breakfast?

Berg

No thank you.

Irene

You want to get the hell out of my bed?

Berg

Yes please.

Berg

Trust me, I’m more embarrassed about this than you are.

Irene

Because of Pete?

Berg

Sure. why not.

Berg

Pete and Marty just broke up.

Irene

Get out!

Berg

Serious!

Irene

No,no! GET OUT!

Berg

If you are about done I could use a break.

Ashley

How many times have you told Irene that?

Berg

I really wish you would stop making jokes about it.

Ashley

And how many times have you told Irene that?

Ashley

OK, you've had your fun now get off me.

Berg

Boy does that bring back memories.

Johnny

My wife is on a date with another woman.

Berg

Sweet.

Johnny

So did you tell Pete you and Irene are sleeping together?

Berg

No, I didn't want to ruin their date

Johnny

How could you stand being around Ashley?

Berg

She let me sleep with her.