Two and a Half Men · Season 3, Episode 16
Hey, here's a fun fact. You're sleeping with a girl who was born when you were in junior high, and yet there's a good chance she lost her virginity before you did.
[Alan scoffs, shakes his head, and then starts to do the math in his head]
And here's another fun fact. I'll bet she's had sex with more girls than you too.
[scoffs again, and again does the math and smiles] That is a fun fact!
You're kidding, Rose has a boyfriend?
Yep.
A real one or like Toby the astronaut?
Uh, well... uh, uh, you see Jake, um... In the Old West, uh, uh... cowboys, uh, could be out on the-- the dusty range... uh, uh, for months... at a time, and, uh, they get mighty dirty. Um, so they'd, uh, they'd, uh, mosey into town, uh, with nothing but the-- the clothes on their backs, uh, and th-- they'd need to, to, to wash them. So what-- what they'd do is, uh, they-- they would go down to the-- the, the... "crick", uh, and, uh, strip down until they were wearing, uh, nothing but their boots.
Why'd they keep their boots on?
Rattlesnakes. [to Jake]: Uh, anyway, um, in order to... to, to warn, uh, people who were swimming that, you know, a-- a naked... cowboy was, uh, on his way, he would yell, or, uh, or, if you will, uh, call, uh, "Booty! Booty!" Ergo, the "booty call".
Wow. Alan, you really make history fun.
Well, thank you.
So when did it start meaning casual sex?
Alan, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to make a choice; does he want to be loved, or does he want to get laid. Fourteen years ago you made the wrong choice. You got married, and you wound up with neither. But now, now fate has given you another chance. Welcome it. Embrace it. Grab its pert little ass.
What am I supposed to do, walk into my son's birthday and say, "Hey everybody, look at this gorgeous twenty-two year old woman I'm having sex with."
Oh, don't be silly. You don't want to rub their faces in it! You just want them to know where yours has been. Oh, yeah, one more thing.
Yeah?
"Booty! Booty!"
So I suppose Charlie hasn't told you I have a new man in my life.
Oh, good for you, dear. Does the man know yet?
[Alan and Kandi arrive late to Jake's birthday party. Everyone stares at them upon coming in]
Sorry we're late, but... I was having sex with this gorgeous twenty-two-year-old woman!
Wait, wait-wait-wait-wait... [grabs a camcorder] OK, come in and say that again!
[Jake is sick in the bathroom during his birthday party]
Well, wait a second-- why did you take vitamins?
I was tired!
OK, but-- but where did you find vitamins to take?
In your medicine cabinet.
I don't have any vitamins in my medicine cabinet.
Yeah, you do -- the little blue ones with a "V" on them.
Oooh.
What's going on? I don't understand.
The kid's gonna need another party hat.
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