OK, now it's time for party games.
I've got one. [grabs a bottle of liquor] It's called "Drink Until This Night Makes Some Sort of Sense".
[After Charlie wakes up after a night in bed with Rose]
What I need to do is find my passport and head for the border. What you have to do is tell Rose that I was drunk and I'm sorry and there's no need to hunt me down and glue my testicles to my thigh...again!
I'll tell you right now, you're swabbing on your own nail polish remover this time!
That wasn't pleasant for either of us, Berta!
Uncle Charlie?
Yeah, buddy.
You know what'd be cool? If you and Rose got married.
Yeah, Charlie, that would be cool! I could be the best man, carry the ring for you and the medication for her. Do pharmacies have bridal registries? Hey, have-- have you guys talked about having kids? Are we gonna hear the pitter-patter of teeny-weeny, crazy-ass feet? [to Jake]: No, he's not gonna marry Rose.
Why not? He's already getting sex from her.
Jake, Jake, the only reason Rose was in my bed is because she was too tired to go home.
Uncle Charlie, I'm an underachiever, not an idiot.
[Charlie opens the front door to find Evelyn using her cellphone]
Alan [on the phone]: Hello?
Alan! Oh, good, I'm glad you're home. [Alan turns around to see Evelyn at the door] Listen, uh, I'm in the neighborhood, and I know how Charlie hates it when I just drop in unannounced so I-- I thought I'd call first.
I'll let him know. [hangs up the phone] Charlie, Mom's coming over!
Charlie [looking straight at Evelyn]: Tell her I'm not here.
HHarvey
Well, you know, you do the best you can to raise them [children], and in the end, they drive down life's highway on their own.
Isn't that the truth? I think God gives us children so death won't come as such a disappointment.
HSHarvey's mother
Harvey, how many times have I told you not to leave an estate without telling me?
HHarvey
Aw, mom...
HSHarvey's mother
Get in the car, we're going home.
HHarvey
But mom, we're getting married!
HSHarvey's mother
To this trash? I don't think so.
EEverlyn
Excuse me?
Roll with it, Mom.
HSHarvey's mother
I'm counting to three, Harvey. One... Two...
HHarvey
I'm going. I'm going.
EEverlyn
Keep the robe.
HHarvey
Thanks. I'm not wearing pants.
HSHarvey's mother
Harvey, do I have to put you on my knees?
HHarvey
I'm going. I'm going.
HSHarvey's mother
He's really a good boy, but these things happen when you marry a first cousin.
I'd say they're lucky to have opposable thumbs.
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