Two and a Half Men · Season 3, Episode 6
Isabella, I hate to be a fuddy-duddy, but we try to keep the house smoke-free.
I'm sorry. [she puts her cigarette out in Jake's cereal] Charlie didn't say anything when I was smoking in bed last night.
Yeah, well, Charlie's lungs aren't always on the same page as his penis.
Alan [on the phone]: I-- I don't think so, Mom. First of all, I-- I'm just not a big fan of costume parties. Yeah, Jake likes The Wizard of Oz, but I-- I just don't think he'd enjoy hanging out with a bunch of drunken real estate agents dressed like Judy Garland. [pause] Oh, OK, I'll get him. [to Charlie]: Mom wants to ask you something.
Charlie [on the phone]: Hi, Mom, no! [hangs up]
Do you have any idea what Isabella is really into?
So she's a little kinky!
No, no, no. "Kinky" is a feather duster up your butt. I think this woman tried to put a curse on me.
Oh, please, who of us hasn't done that? To know you is to curse you.
Did you really think that you could just end this?
I was kinda hoping.
Dont you realize that our souls are now bound together destined to writhe ecstatically in blessed hellfire for all eternity?
[to Alan] Boy, I know how to pick 'em, don't I?
[seeing Alan's swollen eye] Great googooly moogoolies! What the hell happened to you?
I'm not sure..
Looks like you got bitten in the face by one of them Ebola monkeys.
I don't think so, Berta.
I mean, you were not exactly eye candy going in but... now. Woof! You could scare the flies off a manure truck!
Simply out of curiosity: What exactly is this curse? What should I be on the lookout for?
Your crops will wither in the field.
Yeah, okay.
Your cattle will sicken and die.
[not impressed] Aha.
Your manhood will shrivel and become a useless husk.
I gotta fold here, Alan. Okay, you got me. What do you say we call the girls over and start spawning baby Gilgamesh?!
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