“That Voodoo That I Do Do” quotes from Two and a Half Men

Charlie

Look, if you knew me at all and shut me down, it would be one thing, but to be dismissed on a simple "hello", well, that's a tough pill to swallow.

Mia

Would you rather I give it to you in a suppository?

Charlie

Well, to be perfectly honest...

Mia

Good-bye. [leaves]

Alan

Hey, hey, did you hear that?

Charlie

What?

Alan

It's a... it's a fat lady, and she's... singing.

Charlie

You'd give up right now, wouldn't you?

Alan

Charlie, Elvis has left the building! I mean, giving up is a little moot at this point.

Charlie

Yeah, well, that kind of attitude is why you sleep alone with a copy of Monster Boobs magazine under your pillow.

Alan

Stay out of my room.

Alan

Just 'cause you're reading a dance magazine doesn't make you a dancer.

Berta

Why not? You're a monster boob.

Alan

Will you both stay out of my room?!

Alan

And you, wh-- why do you enable this behavior?

Berta

Why? I'll tell you why. Because your brother is the embodiment of the can-do, roll-up-your-sleeves spirit that made this country great. He never gets discouraged, he goes after what he wants, and he doesn't know the meaning of the word "quit". And if the day should come when any man, no matter how humble, can't go out there and soil the loins of some hot little dancer, well, I don't want to live in that America. [starts singing "America the Beautiful"]

Mia

OK, let's start first position. Jake, do you know first position?

Jake

Is that like missionary position?

Mia

Your uncle and I would like to spend some alone time together.

Jake

Oh... all right.

Charlie

You want me to tuck you in?

Jake

I'm too old to get tucked in, you... you ass-face!