Top Gear · Season 8
[during the news, talking about the Audi RS4 convertible]
Listen, but Uma Thurman's got big hands, you're not going to say "get out of my house," are you?
Yes.
Because she's got big hands?
I don't like girls with big hands.
Why don't you like girls with big hands?
Well it just looks wrong, doesn't it? You get a woman with big hands that goes, "Hi James, I'm Uma!'" [exaggerates big hand movements]
[voiceover] This is the old Citroën CX, and it was mad in every way.
[voiceover, on the Citroën CX] Trying to drive this car through a town was like trying to wire a plug while wearing boxing gloves. It was always going to end in tears.
[on the Citroën C6] But I want it to feel completely different to any other car. I want to start it by licking a little panel here on the steering wheel. I want the gear lever to be made of rhubarb and to stick out of the sun visor. I want to feel like I'm in a Salvador Dalí painting and it's all melting. [...] Is this an indicator? Yes it is. It shouldn't be! That should be the boot release. The indicator should be, I don't know, [opens center console] in here somewhere. It's all wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong. [voiceover] As a car, it's conventional too. It's front-wheel-drive rather than side-wheel-drive, and prices start at 29 and a half thousand pounds, rather than 29 and a half thousand zarps.
Odious little man. [After losing ANOTHER game of car football to Hammond]
[After receiving a text, ostensibly a reply from Kristin Scott Thomas]
It says, "You know about the restraining order, that includes texts. I've called the poo lice!" [He looks nervous]
[on the dashboard of the Volkswagen Fox]
It must take more work to make something look, this boring! And the plastic [taps dashboard], well you know that stuff holds your chocolates in place in a box of Milk Tray? [gestures to dashboard] Yeah.
I don't know if I've mentioned this but the parcel shelf in this, is made out of pineapples. Don't know if that'll help.
[During the opening sequence.]
[voiceover] Tonight: we drive a Formula One car... indoors; Hannibal Lector is in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and we go on a caravan holiday!
[on the Stig]
Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[On the Mazda 6 MPS] And you don't have to worry about all the oomph making the chassis go 'blblblbl' and fall to pieces because it's got four wheel drive.
[on film clip] It's not wide enough!
[During the news, James suggests the Daihatsu Copen]
You would look such a spanner in that!
No I wouldn't!
Yes you would, because you'd be sticking up above up with your big floppy hair like a spaniel. Never, ever, ever, ever buy a car which you are taller than, when you're sitting in it, than it is long. You'll look like Noddy with bad hair!
Okay, remind me. Who were the last 4 teams in the World Cup? All European. Women's finalists at Wimbledon; both European. Men's finalists; both European. Everything anyone ever does in any walk of life is done better by Europeans and it's the same with cars.
Jesus is here!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
