[During the opening sequence.]
[voiceover] Tonight: we drive a Formula One car... indoors; Hannibal Lector is in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and we go on a caravan holiday!
“July 16th, 2006” · Season 8, Episode 6
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (29), Richard Hammond (20), James May (17)
[on the Stig]
Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[On the Mazda 6 MPS] And you don't have to worry about all the oomph making the chassis go 'blblblbl' and fall to pieces because it's got four wheel drive.
[on film clip] It's not wide enough!
[During the news, James suggests the Daihatsu Copen]
You would look such a spanner in that!
No I wouldn't!
Yes you would, because you'd be sticking up above up with your big floppy hair like a spaniel. Never, ever, ever, ever buy a car which you are taller than, when you're sitting in it, than it is long. You'll look like Noddy with bad hair!
Okay, remind me. Who were the last 4 teams in the World Cup? All European. Women's finalists at Wimbledon; both European. Men's finalists; both European. Everything anyone ever does in any walk of life is done better by Europeans and it's the same with cars.
Jesus is here!
Now, look at this, there's a study out here, it says people with those speed camera detectors are 600% less likely to get a speeding ticket than the rest of us. In other news, it's been revealed that people with metal detectors are 600% less likely to step on land mines.
[On driving a bus] Yeah, it's easier [than sitting here] actually. 'Cause you're not being filmed. So you can have a joint. No! Sorry.
Chaps.
Yes?
There's a list of essential accessories.
Ok, let's see if we've got them.
Step?
No.
Water container?
No.
Mains hook up lead?
No.
Leisure battery?
No.
Gas cylinders?
No.
Towing mirrors?
AAll
YES!
We could be gypsies.
James, the car is weaving about.
It's not--this is not natural.
Really alarming!
[voiceover] So, we consulted the caravan handbook.
[quoting the handbook] "When a swaying caravan starts to dictate the direction of travel, you have a snake."
No, you have a crash!
Exactly! [quoting] "Try to keep it in the straight ahead position, and allow the outfit to slow down gradually." [commenting] And that's not true! You put your foot down, don't you?
Power out of it. Always!
Yeah!
Power out!
Yes, if in doubt, give it more power.
[holding up the handbook] This is wrong!
This car feels really odd.
James, it--what's a Kia C--
Thingy.
Soprano, Sudoku... It's not a good car.
Do you know what's behind us?
What?
Horse box.
What, we're holding up a horse box?
Ah, now that's payback. I like that. I'll write him a message. [He picks up the keypad for an LED messageboard bought at the service station] Serves... You... ["Serves you right!" appears on the screen at the back of the caravan]
[riding in the tow car on a single-carriageway country road]
Oh, I've just seen the queue [behind them] as we came off the roundabout! I can't live with the shame!
[police sirens are heard]
Police are here! Runaway!
Run! Hide in a bush!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.